In our last session, the PCs had found their way to the lands of the Giant Goblins, where they'd managed to trick their way into the goblin holy temple where they kept their hallucinogenic moss. They'd slaughtered the priest and guards, and had offered up the two bags of hallucinogenic moss to G.O.D. (or more likely, to Roman).
Now:
-"We can't stay here and explore the dungeon because the Death Race 3001 is in a month!"
"Why do we even want to do that?"
"Because it's really fun and exciting!"
"...we're in a dungeon right now!"
"The dungeon will probably just be full of giant kobolds."
"Like Kobolds but slightly larger?"
-The Dwarf and the Trans-mutant wake up on the ship, and have no idea where anyone went.
"I'll summon the Lords of Neutrality."
"Hello."
"I'm mildly happy to see you."
"We also have feelings."
-"Take us to the rest of the party."
"For the sake of balance, as there are two of you, we can only take one."
"OK, me."
"Son of a bitch!"
-"the rest of you are in the moss chamber, when you are all filled with a momentary feeling of intense neutrality, and then the trans-mutant appears in a flash."
"How did you do that?"
"Yes."
-The sky-cleric brings the dwarf over.
"Motherfucker, I thought you left me!"
"I'm pretty sure he did."
-The party starts going down some stairs, and the catboy spots a super-happy-fun-slide lever-trap.
"I don't tell anyone in the party about it, and try to distract them: oh, look over here at this other wall!"
"There's nothing there."
"Hey, there's a lever over here!"
"Ooh, a lever!"
"Catboy presses himself to the wall and clings to it."
"I grab catboy by the scruff of the neck like a kitten."
"You can't! I'n not a catboy anymore, I'm a catman!"
-The party uses their jetpacks to avoid the pit trap at the bottom of the fun-slide trap, and continues to explore the corridor. They find a goblin, chained to the wall. When Catboy approaches him, planning to free him, a giant insect lunges out of a hidey-hole in the wall and attacks!
"Heidi attacks the insect... critical!"
"The insect explodes from your mighty blow, splattering many of you with its acidic ichor!"
"Damn. Now I need healing."
-"These goblins are such assholes that they leave one of their own men chained to the wall to act as bait just in case some intruder gets all the way down here!"
-"You get the feeling that the temperature is going down here."
"Heidi wouldn't be able to tell, because he has no nipples."
"That's why I'm telling him!"
"If its cold, it's probably ice spiders!"
"what?"
-The party reaches a cave filled with ice, with a small Ice Dragon!
"Ask it how Tiamat's doing!"
-"I attack."
"OK."
"12. No, wait... I forgot to add... 16!"
"OK."
"No, no wait, I forgot this too.. 22!"
"OK, you hit, though after that you probably don't deserve to."
-The chamber also has dangerous ice spiders!
"Bill was right!"
"when we got into the room, I said there was probably an Ice dragon, and Bill said there was an ice spider. Now there's one part of the room left to look... ice goblin?"
"Or an Ice Maker?"
"I'm pretty sure the dragon was the 'ice maker'."
-"Heidi kills 3 spiders in one round."
"OK, now there's only one spider fighting the Trans-warrior."
"Alright guys we can just start searching for treasure..."
-"You find a huge pile of gold, and a dragon shaped-snow angel."
-"The trans-mutant warrior invokes the Lords of Neutrality to ask for an item."
"We shall give you an item, but we will also have to give you a curse."
"Alright."
"Then we shall give you 9 gray arrows. These are the Arrows of Neutrality."
"Oh.. and the curse?"
"Your curse is that if you die you will get an extra Luck roll to survive."
"What? That's a curse??"
"It is to the Lords of Neutrality. Non-existence is the most neutral state and it could be denied to you."
"Also, continuing to be in our party could be a curse..."
-"If you do not wish to have this curse, you can burn one permanent point of Luck."
"Let me think... no, I'm cool."
-"You must come to embrace your Neutral Destiny... or maybe not."
-"We should rest."
"It's not that late."
"Yes, but the Dwarf just impaled; and the Cleric is full of viruses from G.O.D.!"
-"I heal you 9 points."
"I'm back to full health."
"Level 1 problems!"
-"The party encounters a pair of goblins who are in a room with a wooden floor."
"That's weird."
"I roll my architectural skill!...1."
"It looks fine to you."
"The ONE time that dwarf skills could have been useful for something..."
-"Do we want to rest?"
"Not yet, I'm 6xp from leveling."
"He's in the danger zone!"
-"The party makes their way to a cave that's got an exit so narrow most of you couldn't fit through it. Catboy gets through but the rest of you can't."
"Heidi is going to rev up and ram the hole with all his power to break through!"
"OK, roll."
"19"
"You get stuck like Winnie The Pooh."
-"Are you stuck?"
"...no."
"You guys can see his legs flailing helplessly."
"In the old days we would have just left him here by now."
"We've grown soft."
-"Here, smoke this, Heidi. It's shadowweed."
"I smoke it."
"OK, You turn into a shadow."
"What the fuck? I thought it would make me small or something!"
-The rest of the party arrives, the long way round, and find that the room has some dangerous giant spiders.
"Bill casts magic missile."
"OK. You kill several of them and slip into the Neutral Zone."
"So he and Shadow-Heidi can touch each other now!"
-Once the spiders are dead, Bill is back from the Neutral Zone, and Heidi turns material again, the party progresses along another very narrow tunnel, emerging into a huge cavern.
"Heidi goes out first."
"OK, do a perception check."
"I fail."
"You see there's a whole bunch of weird looking crystals on one patch of the cavern."
"Catboy is out next."
"Perception check."
"I succeed."
"You see that behind Heidi on a ledge there's an absolutely enormous yellow/green Dragon."
"Oh shit!"
-"Chariss is useless in a fight."
"She's good at fighting her addictions..."
"No she's not!"
-"Heidi is all like 'this is fine'.."
-"Trans-mutant, your turn."
"This is my moment to shine!....natural 1."
"You lose control of your jetpack and are flying straight for the ceiling of the cave."
"We're not doing well."
-The dragon blasts Heidi and the Sky-Cleric (and Chariss) with a cold breath.
"You both take 75 points of damage."
"We're both down!"
"Bill, what do you do?"
"Um, there's an exit from here, right?"
-The Catboy reads a scroll of Color Spray, blowing almost all his Luck to make it have massive effect.
"The dragon is knocked out from the colors!"
"Yes!!"
"He falls from the air, crashing down on top of Heidi, Chariss and the Sky-Cleric."
"Oh noooo!"
-"Bill, cast levitate on the dragon!"
"I can't! I'd have to spellburn!"
"God damn it Bill!"
-"You could take a corruption instead of spellburning.."
"I can't! I'm too pretty!"
"Vanity will be the death of this party, as usual."
-Bill finally casts levitate and the party manages to drag Heidi and the Sky-cleric out from under the dragon. Chariss slips out on her own.
-"The Trans-Warrior makes the killing blow on the dragon!"
"We should take all the dragon's treasure and get the fuck out of this dungeon."
"Yeah. We don't want to meet the third dragon that's probably in here."
That's it for this session. Heidi and the Sky-Cleric made their luck rolls and miraculously survived. The PCs headed straight up the Dragon's cave to the surface, and onto their ship. Next? Well, they're planning for Death Race 3001, but we'll see if life (or their own incompetence) gets in the way.
RPGPundit
Currently Smoking: Raleigh Hawkbill + Image Virginia
No comments:
Post a Comment