This covers the times just before and just after the session I reported on most recently in this blog entry.
Without further ado:
(TRIGGER WARNING: super offensive gang of ordinary human beings daring to have fun. Do not read if you are a hysterical regressive. Or, yeah actually read it, because I really want you to feel all offended because Fuck You):
Backstage: The Backstagening, Book III
Morris: I will take this opportunity... to bring chaos to Tolia. Tolia will be set on fire, and so all of their minotaurs, burning to the ashes...
Bill: We can live with that, we can certainly hire a cleric in high bay. Hire or Charm, or make addicted to something.
Morris: kidnap... or whatever
Chu: Kidnapping is such a strong word, I prefer unofficial commandeer of an autonomous healbot.
Bill: That is also a good idea. Let's see if Anthraz has one of those.
Chu: Well, killing a halfling and throwing him through the window, not one of my proudest moments.
Bill: I have seen/done worse.
Chu: Yep, not gonna question that. Haven't even done a genocide yet.
Morris: Well, allowing chaos and destruction take over the world in some early future, not one of my proudest moments.
Bill: Chaos is another type of order.
Fishman: What. No, it's not. It's like saying "Black is another type of white".
Drunken Master: it is, when you turn lights off.
Morris: Whooooooooooo *Mind = blown*
(Cut: lengthy political debate about Trump based on my "Deplorables" blog entry.
I should note our Player party is politically diverse: the Drunken Master (formerly Ackbasha) is a literal hardcore Trotskyite in real life and pretty much opposes the whole structure of western governments, the Fishman is a center-leftist and very not into Trump, I am (as you all know) a Trump-supporting Libertarian, Chu is an Alt-Right Shitlord, Bill is a general shit-disturber, and I have no idea what Morris is)
Bill: I thought "The Deplorables" is quite good as a description of the party.
Fishman: Also known as "Shit, not them again".
Bill: That
Drunken Master: Actually, "Shit, not them again... and who are you fishman?"
Bill: His name is Losha. The fishman has a name
Pundit: Bill has White Guilt.
Fishman: The guy who killed several minotaurs and giants with one single lvl 1 spell.
Bill: Radiant white elf privilege.
Fishman: One.
SINGLE.
SPELL.
Drunken Master: Ekim Mystical Mask?
Bill: Chill touch? Spider climb ?
Fishman: COMPREHEND LANGUAGES, BITCH!!
Bill: Enlarge while "chill touching"?
Fishman: Screw you guys.
Bill: We still love you, fishman, you are like Yahoo's Babel fish for us And you are good too, when there are no cold beverages around
Drunken Master: and you are rich on omega-3
Bill: LOL
Chu: Top kek
Fishman: I have an omega-3 dispenser right here for you! *grabs crotch*
Bill: Oh me god!
Drunken Master: that's the hole you use to fertilize eggs.
Bill: You see, this is much more interesting than to contaminate this haven with partisan chat
Chu: Yep I have always wanted a chat about the implications of fishman and the nature of his genitalia
Pundit: Could a halfling critical a fishman?
Bill: *wags finger*
Fishman: If you gaze too long into the fishman's genitalia, the fishman's genitalia will gaze into you.
Bill: Unless the fishman's genitalia have a codpiece with Ekims Mystical Mask, that protect them against gaze attacks
Fishman: It does.
Drunken Master: 1:00, those are the fishman's genitals:
Bill: What's going on? Why would bbc 3 produce that?
Morris: Today I'll be a little late, I'm waiting for delicious sea food for lunch, no offence Fish-man, I'm sure they are not your relatives.
Bill: Late like what?
Morris: Like half an hour, maybe
Fishman: Yeah, I'm gonna be there closer than 4 than to 3 too...
Bill: Sharing a meal with Morris and your fish relatives, you sick cannibal
Fishman: Losha is a fishman FISHERMAN. What did you thought he ate?
Drunken Master: Dick. He eats dick.
Morris: OMW!
Fishman: Meat is meat.
Drunken Master:
Bill: *?*
Pundit:
Drunken Master: before zach gallifianakis turns into the official face of the drunkard, I want to let you know this is the one I had in mind.
Bill: Plus the half-plate
Drunken Master: that was in Tholia, before joining the party
Bill: *wine bottle warrior*
Chu: Wait... What was the name of the Half-elven queen?
Bill: Loretta - identified as woman before it was cool
That's all for this time. If you're amused by seeing a glimpse of the banter between my players and between their adventures, let me know, and I might post some more of these.
RPGPundit
Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Poker + H&H's Beverwyck
how do you kill with comprehend languages?
ReplyDeleteInteresting roll on the mercurial table?
DeleteEnergy burst might do so, as could corrosion touch in the right circumstances...
No, the Fishman is just wildly exaggerating. What really happened was that he used comprehend languages to be able to speak to some giants, and then pretended to be a giant himself (they were out of line of sight), and tricked them into a fight with some minotaurs.
Delete