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Tuesday, 15 January 2019

"Starbucks Setting" D&D Fans can Only Imagine Broken or Crazy Heroes

Here's a new video, talking about how the advocates of 2018-Seattle-values D&D "starbucks settings" can't imagine anyone being heroic for reasons other than their being crazy, or broken.

Also, more hilarity has ensued from the Critical Role crowd and their fan-kids.

Check it out!


Currently Smoking: Neerup Hawkbill + Image Virginia

Monday, 14 January 2019

Wild West Campaign Update: The Oncoming Storm

This session began with the receiving of death threats. Crazy Miller found a note in front of his door, warning him that if he didn't leave tombstone now, this town would be his grave. He went to report and found out that all three Earp brothers had also received death-threat notes. Later on, they'd discover that Judge Wells Spicer, the judge who had exonerated them of any culpability in the OK Corral shootout, was also sent a note (one which he replied to defiantly in a letter published by the Tombstone Epitaph); as was Doc Holliday. Kid Taylor also claimed he'd gotten a note but he hadn't, he just felt put off by the notion that he wasn't important enough to the Cowboys for them to threaten him with death. Finally, Tombstone Mayor John Clum also received a note, but deigned it of no importance and didn't tell anyone.

The party also discovered some stunning news in the papers: their old companions Dirty Dave Rudabaugh and John Joshua Web (the psychopath who had a special sort of friendship with Crazy Miller that no one else could understand) had managed to break out of jail and were on the lamb. They were being hunted all over New Mexico and wanted posters were issued for them in Arizona as well. It was presumed they were planning to flee to Mexico. But Crazy Miller was absolutely sure that John Joshua Webb was coming straight for Tombstone.

This posed a bit of a quandary to the town lawmen. They all knew the outlaws, and they also knew about Crazy Miller's friendship with Webb, but they all agreed that there was no getting out of the fact that if they saw either fugitive, they'd be obliged to arrest them. They made sure Crazy Miller realized this, and that whatever happened he wouldn't be able to expect them to break the law for his or Webb's behalf. However, Bat Masterson was under no such compulsion, as he was not presently a lawmen. Rudabaugh and Webb had both been part of his gang (along with several of the player characters) during the Royal Gorge Railroad War, and he felt an obligation to help them if they needed it. He made it clear to Miller that he was ready to help if need be.

A couple or days later, Mayor Clum went off on some personal business to Benson, via stagecoach. Not long after his departure, dark clouds were spotted on the horizon. A storm was coming. It would actually be the first time since the PCs arrived in Tombstone that it was going to rain.

On that same day, Crazy Miller woke up to find John Joshua Webb in his room. As he thought, Webb had come looking for him, but because he needed Miller's help to escape to Mexico. Miller had a dream of John Joshua coming back to stay and being part of his crew, but of course he and Rudabaugh were wanted everywhere. There's no way that Miller could realistically protect them. So he agreed he'd get them to Mexico.

Begging Webb to stay in the hotel and not murder anyone, Miller went off to find Bat Masterson, which he did, and had him go to dead tree ridge, where Dirty Dave was hiding out, and in a few hours (when his absence wouldn't be as notable, as people were going home early and preparing to lock up and batten down their properties against the rainstorm) Miller and John Joshua would join them and they'd head down Mexico way. He also stopped to get John Joshua an ice cream from Tombstone's new Ice Cream Parlor, mainly to make sure Webb didn't get it into his head to go himself (visions flashed through Miller's head of an "Ice Cream Parlor Massacre").

Meanwhile, the lawmen had received a troubling telegram from the Wells Fargo office in Benson: the stagecoach Mayor Clum was riding on had been attacked. The stagecoach driver was dead, and Mayor Clum's current whereabouts were unknown! The Earps knew they'd have to send someone, but they were very worried about leaving Tombstone too vulnerable, and also about the Cowboys ambushing them on the way. In the end, they decided that they would have Deputy Bassett go, since he was an experienced tracker, and Jeff Young with him. Neither of them had received Death-Threat letters, so the lawmen hoped they wouldn't be as likely to get attacked. They also took Kid Taylor, both for his medical skills and because he was the closest thing the Mayor had to a friend. They went looking for Bat too, but no one seemed to know where he was. They asked Crazy Miller and he gave an odd answer. As soon as they went to get themselves ready, Crazy decided to leave and rush off with John Joshua Webb to meet up Dirty Dave and Bat.

Unfortunately, Bassett's posse was going the same direction, through dead tree ridge, to avoid the main roads where Cowboys might be waiting in ambush. The lawmen's group saw, but could not identify, the outlaws group up ahead. The outlaws decided to get to galloping away, but the Lawmen now thought it might be a group of Cowboys running from them and decided to pursue.

Desperate to get away and avoid a confrontation between friends, Bat Masterson hatched on a plan. He had been told by Dirty Dave that Rudabaugh was actually friends with the Clanton brothers and had planned to hide out with them as a backup, and maybe even become a Cowboy. So he told everyone to split up. Dirty Dave would ride west toward the Clanton ranch and seek refuge with them (after all, giving the Cowboys Dirty Dave was likely to only end up hurting them in the long run, he reasoned), while Crazy and Webb would keep fleeing south to Mexico, and Bat himself would turn around and delay the lawmen long enough for the others to get away.

When Bat faced the Lawmen, he was surprised to realize that none of them had realized who was riding ahead of them, and they were surprised to run into Bat Masterson, rather than some cowboy. He took advantage of that, and claimed he had been riding with a group of bounty hunters searching for Dirty Dave and Webb. He then offered to join up with Bassett, Kid Taylor and Jeff Young to go looking for what became of Tombstone's Mayor. They rode as far as they could toward Benson, and then took cover in tents when the rain started to come down hard.

That night, Tombstone was getting covered in rain and thunder. The streets were mostly abandoned. Other Miller and Morgan Earp were playing billiards, the Billiard Hall's only customers. Suddenly, someone comes rushing in to tell them that Virgil Earp has been shot!  They rush to Doctor Goodfellow's clinic and find Wyatt there. Virgil had been looking for Bat, passed by the Oriental, left, and a few minutes later came back in and collapsed, bleeding severely. He'd been shot four times with shotgun buckshot from about 60' away, according to Goodfellow, and had more than 20 pieces of shot in his back and left arm. Goodfellow feared the arm would need to be amputated.

Wyatt sent Other Miller to the Grand Hotel to pick up Allie (Virgil's wife) and make sure the other women were alright. Miller confirmed they were, and was returning with Allie when he came across Texas Jack Vermillion. He had heard the news and (being Wyatt's friend) offered to keep watch on the hotel in case anything happened.

Then, when Other and Allie were getting back to the clinic, they spotted two Cowboys! They were Sherman McMaster and Turkey Creek Jack Johnson. They had their hands up and Sherman told Other quite a tale: apparently, he had been a spy for Virgil Earp the whole time. He said that Virgil, Charles Bassett or James Young could all confirm this, but the other two men weren't in Tombstone!  As for Turkey Creek, he said Bat Masterson (also not in town) had been trying to get him to quit the Cowboys for some time now, and the threat on Judge Spicer and now the back-shooting of Virgil was more than he could stand. He threw his red sash onto the muddy ground. They both said they were here to help.

Other told them to wait there and warn for more cowboys, still not sure what to think. He got Allie up to Goodfellow's office, and as Virgil was conscious again, he quickly asked him and Virgil confirmed Sherman's story. Allie was adamant that Goodfellow tried to save Virgil's arm, and Goodfellow agreed, though he warned that in all likelihood that arm would still be all but useless, and that if infection developed it would just need amputation later. Virgil said that if any doctor in the world could save him it was Goodfellow, and so he got to work.

By the next morning, none of the PCs outside of town had heard about any of this. Crazy Miller and John Joshua Webb were still en route to the border. And Bassett's team had woken up to see a rare blooming desert after last night's storm had passed. They headed toward the road and to the Wells-Fargo waystation. When they got there, the stationmaster had an astounding tale to tell.
Apparently, three masked but cowboys had set upon the stagecoach aiming to kill Mayor Clum. They shot and fatally wounded the driver, but Clum was armed, and shot back with such skill as to frighten them off. Then he somehow got up on top of the coach and drove it to the waystation. And then, figuring that if he stuck around more cowboys would come to kill him endangering innocent lives, he headed out on foot across the desert, heading back toward Tombstone!

Of course, even though Clum looked like a short unimposing bald middle-aged man, he was actually a famed Indian Agent, an expert survivalist and tracker, a pretty decent shot, and the man who captured Geronimo; so his notion wasn't as plumb loco as it had first sounded. Bassett figured that Clum was likely to still be out there in the desert, and if they followed that way they might find him; though Clum wasn't making it easy for them as he'd very carefully concealed his tracks so that the Cowboys couldn't find him.
They rode out, and it took the better part of the day, but eventually they caught up with him, and were quite glad to give him a ride back toward Tombstone.

While that had been going, and Virgil was recovering from surgery, the other two Earp brothers along with Doc Holliday, Other Miller and Sherman McMaster were trying to find evidence that might identify who shot Virgil. McMaster had noticed buckshot that hit Miller's Brewery, across from the Oriental, and at an angle that indicated that an unfinished building kitty-corner from the Oriental was the likely spot of the attack, from the second floor.  They got up there and found a hat they were pretty sure was Ike Clanton's. McMaster figured that if it was the Clanton brothers, and they believed Virgil dead, they wouldn't just go back to the Clanton ranch right away, they'd likely try to hide out in the cowboy-controlled town of Contention. Wyatt got himself deputized as a US Marshal, got a warrant, and got together a posse of himself, Morgan, Other Miller and Doc Holliday, and rode out in that direction. They got as far as Charleston when they got word by telegraph that Ike Clanton, his brother Phin, and Pony Diehl had all turned themselves in, back in Tombstone! Having heard of the warrant, they'd surrendered themselves to (cowboy ally) Johnny Behan, to avoid the risk of being shot by the Earps.

As for Crazy Miller, he got John Joshua Webb across the Nogales and into Mexico. He was sad, not sure when or if he'd see his friend again.

So in the end, Virgil would survive but would take months to recover. Mayor Clum was unharmed but could not identify his attackers. The Clantons would stand trial but even if Judge Spicer were to hear the case, the PCs were not very confident of the likelihood of a conviction, with nothing more than a hat and word of mouth for evidence. The Cowboys had gotten a taste of revenge. The question was, what would happen next?


Currently Smoking: Neerup Egg + Image Virginia

Sunday, 13 January 2019

Check Out the Scorched Coast!

So today, I share with you a fantastic free online sourcebook for Dungeon Crawl Classics.

I didn't make this myself, but some people I know did, and one of them is the (Unkillable) Catboy from my Last Sun campaign.

So check it out. The price is right and if you like DCC I think you'll agree that this is absolutely a perfect supplement for it!

The Scorched Coast


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Oversize + H&H's Walnut

Saturday, 12 January 2019

Will Venger Actually Write a real OSR Book Again?

It appears so.

Here's the story: several years ago, Venger Satanis (my Inappropriate Characters co-host) wrote one single OSR product. But it was a really great one: The Islands of Purple Haunted Putrescence.

Seriously, if you like gonzo weird fantasy hexcrawls, get that book. It's awesome! It's way way more amazing than Carcosa, which was really pretty dull and repetitive and felt randomly-rolled. The Islands of Purple-Haunted Putrescence kick its ass.

But sadly, it was his only OSR product.  After that, he did a series of games and supplements for a very creative (if a bit too sex-obsessed) setting called Alpha Blue; which was interesting, but he ruined it by using a non-OSR dice-pool system. And made things worse by trying to claim it was OSR and sell it as if it was OSR.

Bad form, Venger.

But now, after years of me pushing for him to do it, Venger is finally coming back to the OSR with a planned new product (currently being kickstartered) called Cha'alt! It's another weird gonzo fantasy world, which will apparently include a kind of megadungeon. And it's going to be for OSR and 5e games.

Will it really? I know, in the past he's said stuff was OSR that was obviously not OSR by the definitions of 95% of people in the OSR, but this time Venger has assured me that he's really making it as a mostly system-neutral book that will be designed for OSR and 5e play.

OK, good enough. I'll have to take his word for it, for now.

Anyways, check out that kickstarter. Because I would really like to see a new Venger OSR book. A real one.


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti poker + H&H's Walnut

NOTE: I am not in any way paid for this blog entry, or involved personally with his book nor profit from it in any way (other than good gaming material if it sees print).  Just wanted to make sure you didn't think this was a paid ad.

Friday, 11 January 2019

Livestream: Is Capitalism Bad for D&D/RPGs?

In tonight's lengthy livestream, I covered a wide range of topics, in the overall subject of whether it is better for the D&D hobby to be centered around a capitalist system of people trying to make books for profit, or if it would be better to have a hobby where no one made any products intended for sale.

Along the way we talk about lengths of campaigns, about the problem of "Starbucks Settings" and how certain people in the hobby want to make every setting look exactly alike, about how trying to write a commercial product can make you a better GM, about the importance of actual play, and how the notion of "you have to run games with your friends" is bullshit. Plus much more!

As always, it's going to be spicy with controversial material! check it out:


Currently Smoking: Neerup Acorn + Image Virginia

Wednesday, 9 January 2019

Medieval-Authentic Glamour Magic

So in today's newest issue of RPGPundit Presents, we provide another special Medieval-Authentic system of magic common in ancient legends and associated with the lore of fairies, witches and druids.

In an earlier issue we presented the magic of Enchantment.  Now here, RPGpundit Presents #62: Medieval-Authentic Glamour Magic presents the other great medieval fairy-magic, Glamour. It is the power of creating illusions and deception.

In Medieval-Authentic Glamour Magic, there's a complete system of medieval illusionism for your NPCs or PCs, or your fae elf monsters.

Your medieval-authentic spellcasters can learn how to do tricks manipulating light and shadow, sound, transforming appearance, Not Being Seen, and wards to trigger illusions.

Material in the book helps you to very easily figure out how to incorporate this magic into your game. There's different options for how to introduce Glamour, and how easy you as a GM want your players to learn it. There's easy rules for how to learn glamour, how to use glamour and how to try to resist glamour.

You can pick up Medieval-Authentic Glamour Magic for just $2.99 from DTRPG or from the Precis Intermedia Webstore!

And while you're at it, be sure to pick up the rest of the great supplements in the RPGPundit Presents series:

RPGPundit Presents #1: DungeonChef!

RPGPundit Presents #2: The Goetia  (usable for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #3: High-Tech Weapons

RPGPundit Presents #5: The Child-Eaters (an adventure scenario for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #17: The Hunters (an adventure for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #21: Hecate's Tomb (an adventure for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #54: Medieval College Adventures (compatible with Lion & Dragon)

RPGPundit Presents #58: Expanded Prior History Tables  (compatible with Lion & Dragon!)

Stay tuned for more next week!


Currently Smoking: Mastro De Paja Rhodesian + Image Virginia 

Tuesday, 8 January 2019

Classic Rant: "Real Magick" in RPGs: Spellbooks

I've posted previously in this series (on the old blog, but archived here), about some of the misconceptions about how 'occultism' is handled in a lot of allegedly-occult RPGs, and how GMs can modify things to more closely model the reality of the occult scene (a reality that is filled with posers, fakers, and lunatics, but also some truly fascinating stuff).  One of the big ones in modern games is about how occult knowledge is somehow rare or very difficult to access (the classic Call of Cthulhu scenario where magical knowledge is only available in the most obscure places), when the fact is that the problem is not access to that knowledge at all, but the ability to differentiate between the useful and the useless.  I also made a post about how and what a magician's diary looks like, and how these will often be the  most important "grimoires" available in a setting.

Now on the whole I've been focusing on modern settings, but I heard something interesting today on theRPGsite in reference to the "unrealistic" nature of D&D magick.  Someone pointed out that the idea of a magician going around with a spellbook and memorizing spells made no sense.  Magicians should study their books at home, and their spellbooks would be kept safe within lock and key in their towers.

But the truth of the matter is a bit trickier than that.

A magician may very well carry around his magical diaries with him (remember: a grimoire is really nothing more than a heavily-edited magical diary); for two reasons.

First, not to memorize spells but to potentially remember correspondences. There are big tables of correspondences (which are important "components" for magical practice, divination, etc) that someone might be able to memorize, but there's so much to be memorized that a lot of students won't. A good magick student will know the symbols and order of the zodiac, the planets, elements, PROBABLY the Hebrew letters and their number values, and things like the names of gods, elemental signs, the pentagram rituals and hexagram rituals. If he does all that by heart, he's a pretty advanced student (even among serious practitioners; remember, 99% of supposed 'magicians' have barely studied anything at all and don't actually practice any magick).
But even that kind of expert student may not memorize what type of plant corresponds to the moon, or the name of the Angel of the 20th degree of Leo.

Second, you never know when there's going to be new things to write in the diaries!

A magical diary is practically a part of a magician's body; its been repeatedly described by almost all of the great occult authors as the single most important tool of the magician.  You can almost always use it as a litmus test to tell the difference between a serious occultist and a dabbler, dilettante, or fraud: not everyone who keeps a diary will necessarily be doing serious occult work, but anyone who doesn't keep a magical diary is almost guaranteed NOT to be doing serious occult work of any kind.

Thus, the diary is far from an neat and tidy book of instruction (though sometimes material from said diaries are heavily edited to become actual commercial books); they are the frantic scribbles of a madman, and a seriously-obsessed occultist won't be trusting his own recollection to write down some insight or discovery long after the fact, if he can at all help it. He'll want the diary close, so he can record his studies, discoveries, findings or experiences as quickly as possible.


Currently Smoking: Dunhill Amber Root Bulldog + C&D's Crowley's Best

(originally posted January 17, 2014)

Monday, 7 January 2019

Open for Reviews in 2019!

This is just a heads-up to let any of you who are RPG product publishers or authors know that this would be a great time to send me products for review. In case you aren't aware, I've produced literally hundreds of reviews (maybe more than a thousand by now? I don't know for sure), and I guarantee that any RPG product mailed to me WILL get a review.

My reviews get posted here, on theRPGsite, and is linked to throughout all my social media.

Also, now that I have a Youtube channel, if you really want me to I'll do a video review instead of print.

So get in touch with me here, or on any of my social media, and tell me what you got (I only review print-edition products that are available for commercial sale, not your prototype that you want my help with or something like that; if you want that, you'll need to hire me as a consultant), and I'll tell you where to mail it!


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Poker + H&H's Chestnut

Sunday, 6 January 2019

DCC Campaign Update: I Know You're Charmed But This is Awkward

In our last session, the PCs had taken their captured slaver-ship, rechristened the SS Sidequest, and gone after a treasure map. They found the big X in the sand, fought some ghost pirates, and ended up with what they considered a paltry treasure of around 3000gp in gems.


-"We should all return to the ship before we get sent on a side-quest."
"Yeah, we need to go kill the Lord of Blood and Fire."

-"I need healing..."
"Sami is here."
"Yes I am here"
"She sounds a bit different..."

-"Sami is acting pretty weird. Maybe we should get healing from Lenny, back on the ship?"
"Yes go to Lenny now I must return to my home planet"
"Um, OK..."

-"Where's Sami?"
"She said she had to go back to her home planet."
"She's a mysterious person, with her own life that we don't really know."
"I think she was being controlled but I just don't care."
"What the hell is a home planet??"

-"Can y'all tell me what these two newbies were doing in a cell with only a couple of crackers to eat?"
"A couple of crackers? Back in my day we only got one!"

-"Lenny almost got us to go on a side-quest!"
"More accurately, the DM tried to use Lenny to get us to go looking for another bag of holding, since Sami took the briefcase of holding with her."
"Yeah, well, it was a good try."
"Everybody loves Lenny!"

-"So Sami has the Briefcase of Holding? With all my stuff and all my money??"
"We need to make more money!"

-"Guys, we'll need to get back to this later, the violent fucking whales are back!"

-"Go a-whale while you can!"
"The newbs are getting used to the party!"

-"Heidi is going to punch a whale in the head."
"So your mighty deed is to punch for intimidation?"
"I guess."
"Natural 20."
"You punch the whale so hard it takes 10 points of permanent INT damage, leaving it a vegetable."
"Holy shit, he punched that whale so hard it became retarded!"

-"Is the whale I punched going to live?"
"No, you think it doesn't even know how to whale anymore."
"It does not know the whale."
"This is what happens when Sami isn't here."

-"Zeke prays for an hour before bed, and then sleeps the deep sleep of the just."
"He goes to sleep right away, doesn't he?"
"Bill needs the sleep-rune to sleep at all."
"Bill can only magically-medicate himself to sleep."

-The ship carries on, sailing along the coast of a region called The Wasted Lands.
"The Wasted Lands actually look like fairly nice prairies, but with areas that have a purple mist."
"Why are they called the Wasted Lands?"
"I don't know."
"Let's go find out!"

-"We're assuming that Sami is coming back, right?"
"Just because, if when she did, the Catboy was married to Queen Zoey, that would be really funny!"
"OK, that's our new side quest!"

-"Yeah but how could Catboy possibly get Queen Zoey to marry him?"
"Easy, he'll have to seduce her when no one is watching him. That's the only time he's competent."

-The SS Sidequest continues its journey, sailing past the coast of the Beach Giant Chiefs. A group of Beach Giants are trying to approach the ship on giant surfboards.
"I go to the machine gun."
"I go to the other machine gun!"
"The machine guns are in opposite directions and only one can actually hit the Beach Giants."
"True, but the Minstrel doesn't know that!"

-"Catboy hits one of the Beach Giants with 25 bullets and tears him to shreds."
"The other Beach Giants surf away."

-"You guys all notice the Minstrel has leveled up and he's now a wizard."
"What, does he suddenly have a funny hat or something?"
"Does he want one?"

-The ship is attacked by Pirate Sea-Goblins!
"They attack and do 10 points of damage to the minstrel-wizard."
"Shortest-lived level 1 character ever!"
"He lasted less than 5 minutes of play!"

-"How many goblins are there?"
"Holy shit!"
"Bill casts scare."
"They all run away."
"So they stayed just long enough to kill the minstrel."

-"The Minstrel wizard is dead."
"He lasted for one round of one fight."
"He was a great character, for the 90 seconds he lived."

-"Catboy eats a potato."
"Bill eats a potato."
"Lenny eats the minstrel."

-The ship sails on, with the minstrel wizard dead he's replaced by the only  newbie survivor, the halfling.
"What's his name?"
"Bad. Bad the Halfling."
"Really? I guess that checks out."

-They sail by a massive building on the coastline identified as The Gargantuan Tower.
"Heidi desperately wants to go."
"Let's just weigh anchor and leave the ship here unguarded."
"I mean, what could go wrong?"

-The party heads into the tower, and quickly encounter some guards; they're constructs made out of ice!
"I wonder what happens when I stab a construct with my Potato Dagger?"

-"You know what would have worked really well against these ice guards? Flaming Hands, like the Minstrel-Wizard had!"

-The PCs move further in and find a strange monument.
"It's a kind of monument with lists of hundreds of names on each side, of what were apparently adventurers who died inside this tower."

-An entryway is blocked by a stone slab.
"Can you help me open it?"
"Me help you?"
"Sorry, I meant you could help me."
"That's the same thing you just said!"

-"Heidi, Catboy, Quilliam and Bill all progressively fail to roll the stone. Then the halfling does it."
"We helped loosen it for him."
"It's that he has a lower center of gravity!"

-"Heidi do you have a hammer?"
"No, but I have a punch."

-"You reach a large room, where it's raining somehow."
"Do we enter? It could be dangerous."
"The halfling is already inside."
"We have a wet halfling."
"The catboy goes in and searches for traps."
"Now we have a wet pussy."

-"The doorway is stuck due to rust. It would pull open."
"OK, I try to push."
"...then you fail?"

-"The greatest challenges we've had in this tower so far are all doors."

-"You see a kind of port-hole vault; next to it someone has scrawled 'Do Not Open'..."
"I so desperately want to open it!"

-"Catboy, you find a discarded silver chalice."
"Catboy puts some vodka in the chalice, to test it."
"The halfling grabs it and drinks it!"
"No you idiot! I was just testing it for poisons!"
"The halfling doesn't care."
"This halfling is crazy!"

-The PCs get to a chamber where there's some smooth ice-construct guards that just ignore them.
"Hello? We have so many questions!"

-Heidi and Bill accidentally trigger a rune trap. Bill saves, but Heidi fails and now he's charmed to think Bill is his best friend.
"Well, Heidi's going to die."
"With Heidi's INT score, he's going to be charmed for weeks!"

-They go on to another room where they encounter four more of the ice-constructs. Bill destroys one with a magic missile and then slips into the Neutral Zone.
"Heidi must feel sad..."
"No, he's happy actually because I know he's safe."

-Inside the Neutral Zone, Bill sees that the dimensional space of the tower all folds in on itself.
"It's bigger on the inside!"

-"the Halfling tries to attack but misses with a fumble that makes him look ridiculous."
"The halfling tries again this round."
"He still misses, but not ridiculously."
"So it was a good attempt!"
"I wouldn't go that far. It was an attempt."
"So I'm as competent as Catboy? I'll take it!"

-"When the potato dagger hits a construct, it doesn't make anything."
"We've found its only weakness!"

-"I'm doing nearly as badly as Heidi."
"Actually, Heidi looks a lot worse; he's higher level and so people expected more of him."

-The party runs into three dwarves who look pretty worse for wear.
"We fear that we are lost."
"The rooms change, when you go back its all different!"
"So all my mapping was for nothing!?"

-"I am Torb son of Sorb; this is Florb son of Glorb, and that's Filbort, son of Chobort."

-"We're here to find great treasures to-"
"Go on an expedition to recover the Dwarven Machineholds?"
"You know the Dwarvish way!"

-"We're here to kill the Duke of Ice and Fire."
"This party is SO confused..."

-The party moves on and finds another room, with 8 more dwarves, some of whom seem to be the same as the dwarves the PCs are currently with.
"What the hell?!"
"Torb, how can this be you, you're dead?"
"Berm, it can't be you, I saw you get eaten!"
"There's two Filborts!"

-"This is like Bolt-0's quest where we met alternate-timeline versions of ourselves!"
"So we might meet alternate versions of party members?"
"Maybe we can find a Sami who isn't a bitch!"
"Maybe we can find Cool Morris!"
"Finding Cool Morris is our new Side Quest!"

-"Have you new dwarves found anyone like us?"
"Well, we found a dead halfling once."
"Hey, and remember we found that halfling skull before?"
"Our halfling is suddenly nervous."

-They get to another room where they find a half-dozen freshly-dead Dwarf corpses. Again, some of these resemble dwarves in either of their current parties.
"What happened?"
"I don't know. Be careful."
"The halfling rushes over with the dwarves to loot the bodies."

-There's a hideous tentacled albino rodent-creature hiding under the bodies.
"Disturbed by the dwarves and halfling, it creates a psychic blast and half the party and most of the dwarves fail their saves and go insane."
"Well, now we know how they died."

-"Heidi rushes toward Insane Bill."
"Insane Quilliam turns to shoot Heidi."
"You miss."
"You could always burn Luck if you really want to hit him!"

-Heidi restrains Bill to stop him from casting any spells, and eventually Bill returns to sanity.
"Well... you're hugging me. I know you're Charmed but this is awkward."

-"Bill, use the Sleep Rune!"
"Here, Heidi, you try it!"
"Heidi grabs the sleep rune and takes a look at it."
"He falls asleep."
"Oh for fuck's sake.. Bill grabs the sleep rune and slowly waves it around."
"literally everyone in the room except Bill and two dwarves fall asleep."

-The two dwarves who were still awake didn't see the rune because they were fighting each other; one of them is insane.
"I kill the insane one."
"Thank you my friend... what's your name again?"
"I say 'my name is Bill', and then I kill him too."
"Oh snap!"

-"Bill fumbles and falls down."
"Not as badass..."

-"Bill kills the remaining dwarf."
"I go get the catboy's potato dagger and kill ALL the dwarves!"
"Jesus. Ok.."
"Then I wake the catboy."
"What happened, Bill?"
"You went nuts and killed all the dwarves, Catboy."
"What? But the last thing I remember was the Sleep Rune.."
"Yeah but you murdered them all in your sleep or something. Anyways, we got a bunch of potatoes."
"I think you're lying but I don't even really care now."
"It was your first mass murder, congratulations, Catboy!"

-Full of potatoes, they move on to another room and find it's full of zombie women.
"They seem to move toward you."
"Oh, I think they're attracted to you!"

-"This tower is super confusing. The rooms keep shifting around and it's bigger on the inside."
"Maybe there's a pattern?"
"There's no pattern! The GM is just making it up as he goes along!"

-"I think we just need to go up all the stairs."
"Yeah, and find the 3 giant wasps who guard all the jewels."
"Those are the ones you'd heard the rumor are somewhere in the tower?"
"Maybe they're not wasps like insects, maybe they're giant white anglo-saxons?"

-The PCs find a room with a funerary urn, with a dedication stone saying "in memory of Catboy".

-"Catboy throws the urn against a wall!"
"It falls and the top comes off."
"I look inside."
"It appears to have half of catboy's hand."
"I keep it."
"It may come in handy!"

-As the party moves through a room, Zeke Bodean gets trapped in a spinning ball of death!!
"The halfling will try to charge at the ball!"
"It throws him, hard. Roll a reflex save."
"natural 20!"
"You do an acrobatic bounce off the wall and land on  your feet."
"I stretch out my arms like a Romanian gymnast!"
"The rest of the party applauds while Zeke is still spinning."

-"Heidi tries to grab onto the ball"
"Natural 1."
"He slams at high speed against the wall and lands on his head on the floor. He takes 11 points of damage."

-There's a golden sword sticking into the wall, that is revealed by a panel opening once the ball of death starts to spin.
"The halfling grabs it!"
"It electrifies him for 26 points of damage."
"Let's see him tumble out of this one!"
"He makes his luck roll."
"The halfling is still alive!"

-The party manages to disable the wheel, but zeke goes flying.
"he's broken every bone in his body."
"Lenny, try to heal him."
"Oh G.O.D., please help Zeke... there's probably no one in the world who actually loves you as much as he does!"
"The healing works and Zeke's shattered bones are healed."
"Praise the Lord!"

-The sword turns out to be a magic sword that can redirect electricity.
"Can I have the golden sword?"
"Hey, that sword almost killed me!"
"Why do you want the sword?"
"I figured out how it worked."
"Come on guys, the rest of us already have magic weapons."
"Does Quilliam not have magic weapons?"
"I do, but less than you guys!"

And that's it for this session. The PCs decided to take a rest there, in the tower, figuring that maybe by the time they wake up Sami and the Sky-Mexican Cleric will somehow be back with them.  We'll see, and we'll see if they keep exploring the tower or actually get back to whatever they were up to before that.


Currently Smoking: Neerup Hawkbill + Image Virginia

Saturday, 5 January 2019

Critical Role is to Normal D&D as Pornography is to Normal Sex

I wasn't expecting to make another video so soon, but a random comment on yesterday's video turned out to lead me to the perfect analogy for what Critical Role is really like in comparison to D&D, and also to the effect it has on newbie players. Critical Role affects would-be normal-D&D newbs in the same way that porn can affect virgin's perceptions of what normal sex is like.

Check it out!


Currently Smoking: Neerup Egg + Image Virginia

Friday, 4 January 2019

Matt Mercer Won't Admit The Real Reason for the "Mercer Effect"

In my latest video, I talk about the so-called "Mercer Effect", a phenomenon causing problems for a lot of D&D DMs with newbie players joining their groups.

And Matthew Mercer, executive-producer of the "Critical Role" D&D-themed Reality Youtube Show, has expressed a lot of faux concern on twitter about DMs complaining about the Mercer Effect, but he won't admit the fundamental truth that is behind the effect. He could, but he just doesn't want to for selfish reasons.

Check out the video!


Currently Smoking: Neerup Hawkbill + Image Virginia

Thursday, 3 January 2019

Gonzo Adventure: Against the Marauders

The Hipster-Elf Rose Dome is under threat by a large tribe of violent barbarian mutants! With their chief in possession of a high-tech object that could disable the otherwise impenetrable doors, only the PCs stand between the brutish mob and the Elves' home.

Will the PCs try to steal the Ancient Key from the barbarian chief? Will they try to convince the barbarians to go attack one of the other possible targets? There's the peaceful Cactus People, the violent Sword Octopi, or the deadly Mountain Dragon with it's huge treasure!

Or will they just say 'screw it' and help the barbarians to despoil the Rose Dome?

RPGPundit Presents #61: Against the Marauders is an OSR Gonzo adventure from the world of the world of the Last Sun, but usable in any weird-fantasy gonzo campaign. It features a sandbox-style scenario, various possible opponents in the region, detailed information about the mutant barbarians and their leadership, and open-ended 'victory conditions' depending entirely on how badly your PCs want to act like assholes!

 You can pick up Against the Marauders at DTRPG for just $2.99, or from the Precis Intermedia Webstore for the same price!

And while you're at it, be sure to pick up the rest of the great supplements in the RPGPundit Presents series:

RPGPundit Presents #1: DungeonChef!

RPGPundit Presents #2: The Goetia  (usable for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #3: High-Tech Weapons

RPGPundit Presents #5: The Child-Eaters (an adventure scenario for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #17: The Hunters (an adventure for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #21: Hecate's Tomb (an adventure for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #54: Medieval College Adventures (compatible with Lion & Dragon)

RPGPundit Presents #58: Expanded Prior History Tables  (compatible with Lion & Dragon!)

Stay tuned for more next week!


Currently Smoking: Mastro De Paja Rhodesian + Image Virginia