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Tuesday, 8 August 2017

The Perils of Technology

I have a plane to catch.  I wake up with one hour till I have to be at the airport.

I usually make my coffee at home with an old fashioned hand grinder & a Vietnamese coffee filter. No electric parts.
But where I'm staying, there's one of these demonic capsule machines.  I have seen it used, & this one looks as straightforward as possible; put in capsule, press big button, coffee comes out.

I put in the capsule. I push the button. Nothing comes out.
There are no other buttons. The screen shows no errors. I figured I might have put the capsule in wrong. I try again. Nothing.
I unplug the machine, thinking maybe it hung & needs rebooting. No change.

Soon I'm thumping the sides of the damn thing like a Neanderthal, violently opening & closing it, howling at the damn beast to give me my fucking coffee! But it refuses, the fucking monstrosity just will not work.  So I head out to the patio overlooking the majestic woodland scene I've been enjoying these many days, trying to see if I can smoke my pipe, sans coffee, before we have to rush to the airport.

My travelling companion is up now, & comes out, & I warn her about the monstrous machine that fails to make coffee.

She tells me "did you press the touchscreen?"

TOUCHSCREEN?! Why on Kek's green Earth does a fucking One-Button coffee machine need a fucking touchscreen?!  What is this monstrous dystopia of first-world futurism I have stumbled into??!

She quickly makes me a coffee, and then as we head out, slightly late, to the airport, I thank Kek that back home I can still follow the simple ways, where so long as my arms don't fail me, & I have beans and hot water, I will always have coffee.

Seattle was lovely, by the way.


Currently Smoking: Neerup Billiard + Image Latakia


  1. And that is why even if we were o find a UFO, we would not be able to operate it

  2. You were in Seattle, please tell me you went to Ivar's for some good chowder :)

    1. We tried, but the line was too long. We went to Pike's market & had some excellent Chinese food instead.

  3. Touch screen? Hahahahahah. I know you don't like single cup coffee, but I'm not a morning person.I don't have the energy to do more than press a button. I have the simplest of Keurig machines and I got my 100-year old grandfather one - even he can use it. But yeah, why does it need a touch screen?

  4. Seattle is lovely. Especially, this time of year. Less/rain more sun.

  5. Neanderthals would never behave that way. Nor would they dirty their hands and consciences by going to Seattle.