Friday, 2 October 2015
DCC Campaign Update: "We're Finally the LESSER Evil!"
In the latest DCC session, the PCs were back in Highbay (the Drug Capital of the region), and got themselves caught up with a gang war in the town while they waited to figure out what to do about Bolt-O the potential Necromancer Robot, and how to get back the Fire Demon Prince's Night Goats.
In this session, the following things were overheard:
-It's hard to be an Untouchable in a pie shop.
-"Metamphetamines, your Holiness?"
-Ack'basha the cleric survives by getting massive influxes of cash that he immediately blows on getting G.O.D. to forgive him.
-"My name is Natascha Nataschiskova, darling!"
-"We shall meet again... tonight, actually."
-Zahar the dwarf wizard was looking for a quiet inn, and found one where you're literally not allowed to make any noise.
-"Bolt-O's Guide to Necromancy is not the most well-edited of books".
-Ack'basha has got himself quite the hippie-cult.
-"I was forced to break down the door to your temple with this hippie's skull".
-Vishal has gotten the group together to do a 'quest', which consists of 'meeting a gold mutant femme fatale at third bell because she said so'.
-"My name is Boris Hatsky-Goldensten, Natascha is my current wife and future mistress"
-Natascha did a makeover on the Untouchable.
-Boris runs the Cyrilic Mafia, but his boss is Goldeater, tyrant of the city-state of Goldhalcon.
-How powerful is Goldeater? Powerful enough that every time someone says his name out loud a little song plays in the air.
-"what do you want?" "Gold" "They can't give you any gold, they eat it all".
-Natascha broke the Untouchable's heart, just like Boris had said she would.
-"Ackbasha is going to double-cross Boris.. he's broken a lot of deals lately. You know, I'm starting to wonder if we're not actually the bad guys?"
-Natascha did note that Ackbasha reminds her of Rasputin.
-Ack'basha also plans to kill Bolt-O.
-The Dwarf Wizard went to Jimmy the Ratcatcher to purchase rat parts, before remembering that every time he casts Sleep he summons a swarm of rats.
-Vishal and the Untouchable are going to infiltrate the Bharata Mafia by pretending to be a Brahmin prince and his servant, no way that can go horribly wrong.
-Ack'basha and Zahar go to see Bolt-O at city hall, only to learn he's now a city commissioner.
-"Bolt-O learned necromancy from when he was a service robot at a Necromancer's Guild, and later wrote his book on Necromancy while living in a southern continent monastery... he's led a very interesting life for a bolt-tightening robot".
-"Chief City Officer Swanlee desperately wants to get us out of his city forever, except Ack'basha reminded him that we may be the only ones capable of stopping Sandy the Dread Barbarian Queen from destroying Highbay... we're finally the LESSER evil!"
-"The brahmin will have to control his reckless loins if we have any hope of keeping up this charade!"
-the untouchable has gone "curry crazy" over the cuisine at the Bharatan Inn.
-"So Ack'basha doesn't just want to double-cross Boris, he wants to do it in the cleric's own Temple of G.O.D.?"
-"Have you noticed Ack'basha's hippie-cult talks less and less about praising G.O.D. and more about praising Ack'Basha?"
-So there's a third gang involved; and now the Vishal has to go meet the Draconians at the Den of One Thousand Lotuses and play Pai Gow with them to cement an Draconian-Bharata alliance... and he's going to do it because now he really wants an Elephant.
-The undercover guards Chief Officer Swanlee had infiltrate the area around the Temple for the sting operation on Boris and Natascha are really shitty at impersonating hippies.
-"So wait, now we're working WITH the Narcs?"
-Ack'basha orders all you hippies to shave off your hair to help the Narcs fit in!
-"so there's three gangs now?" "Four, if you count the city guard." "Five, if you count Ack'basha's cult".
-Our whole plan is becoming increasingly complex...
-You know, the Cleric is becoming the new Bill the Elf. I guess if you stare long enough into the abyss, you become a self-serving asshole.
-"Ack'basha has now taken to wandering the streets of Highbay looking for even more gangs to double cross"
-Boris: "Ok fuck this, kill everyone!" Natascha: "No, Boris, don't kill everyone, is a party!"
-"what about the city guard?" "They're all high! The attempt to get them to blend in worked too well!"
-"Ack'basha saved us!" Zahar: "Actually, it was me..." "Hail Ack'basha!"
-Vishal murdered the cyrilic assassins, carried the unconscious untouchable, and wanted to loot the corpses... he's officially the worst Brahmin prince ever.
-"or, MC Untouchable is the most Touchable Untouchable ever"
-"BOLT-O WILL JOIN YOU ON THIS QUEST. PLEASE WAIT MOMENTARILY WHILE BOLT-O GATHERS HIS NECROMANTIC TOOLS IN HIS MAGICAL MURDER BOX".
-What do you know? Vishal and the Untouchable's defrauding the Bharata mafia by pretending to be royalty actually turned out well enough to get an Elephant out of the deal.
-MC untouchable was this close to getting a bunch of Bharata Mafia guards to join the quest, but Vishal said he'd be fucked if he was going to keep up the 'royalty' act for the whole trip.
That's it for this session. The PCs leave off departing Highbay heading off in the direction of the Badlands and Yeti Country, following the trail of destruction left by the Night Goats.
Currently Smoking: Dunhill Shell Diplomat & C&D's Crowley's Best