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Wednesday, 22 January 2020

RPGPundit Presents #99: 100 More Weird Gonzo-Fantasy Features!

RPGPundit Presents 99 is out! In this issue, I present you with 100 more Weird Gonzo-Fantasy Features. Random creatures, places, objects and encounters to weird-up your fantasy world!

Check out all sorts of weird random material to springboard ideas, or just weird incidental events for your PCs to run into. Stuff like:

-Deadly Blood-Toddlers!

-The Alcoholic Valley!

-The Mirror-Doppelganger!

-The legendary spellbook of the inept wizard Farbato the Bumbler!

-The deadly Funhouse Dome of the Insane Clown Cult!

-The berserker-invasion of the dreaded Pottery-Raiders!

-The great network of the Underground River-Canals!

-The peril threatening the peace-loving Rhino-men!

-"Mr.Grabby" the perverted Golem!

-The Tungsten Slave-Mines of the Evil Robots!


And much more!





So be sure to pick up 100 More Werid Gonzo-Fantasy Features from DTRPG for just $2.99!


And while you're at it be sure to check out all our previous issues, where you'll find tons of OSR medieval-authentic and Gonzo/Weird-Fantasy goodness!







RPGPundit Presents #5: The Child-Eaters (an adventure scenario for Lion & Dragon!)









RPGPundit Presents #17: The Hunters (an adventure for Lion & Dragon!)




RPGPundit Presents #21: Hecate's Tomb (an adventure for Lion & Dragon!)































RPGPundit Presents #54: Medieval College Adventures (compatible with Lion & Dragon)




RPGPundit Presents #58: Expanded Prior History Tables  (compatible with Lion & Dragon!)






RPGPundit Presents #65: The Defilers (compatible with Lion & Dragon)



RPGPundit Presents #68: The Cult of the Saints (compatible with Lion & Dragon) 

RPGPundit Presents #69: The Path of Trees (compatible with Lion & Dragon)



RPGPundit Presents #72: The Cymri Davey (compatible with Lion & Dragon) 




























RPGPundit

Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Poker + H&H's Walnut



PS: stay tuned in a few weeks for a very special 100th Issue of RPGPundit Presents!

Sunday, 19 January 2020

Livestream TONIGHT!

Check it out, tonight, in about an hour (at 8pm Central), I'll be LIVE on Youtube!

And if you missed it, check out the action here:



Friday, 17 January 2020

How to run Gonzo Games!

In the latest video, I talk about how to run your D&D or OSR game as a long-term Gonzo Fantasy campaign.  I cover the things you should DO, and the things you should definitely DON'T do.

Check it out!


Tuesday, 7 January 2020

DCC Campaign Update: It's a Goddamn Robot Soap Opera



In our last session, the PCs had left behind Smuggler's Cove after burning half the city to the ground, and joined the Posh Elf secret agent Neville Neville on a mission to the ruined command module of a Pythian Skyship to recover a computer core. Because this is a party that has absolutely zero ability to resist a side-quest.

Now:

-The Elf Newb had been kidnapped by Her Majesty's Secret Service, given truth drugs to make him tell them everything about the party (because he'd been too afraid of the other PCs to tell his interrogators about them). Then, they completely forgot about him for 36 hours.
"A goblin with a bucket and mop comes in.... Oi, who are you?!"
"Who are you?"
"Are you even supposed to be 'ere?"
"I don't know."
"Who tied you up?"
"A Posh Elf."
"Oi, Sidney, someone's forgotten about a prisoner again!"

-Meanwhile, the trans-mutant warrior was summoned away, yet again, by the Lords of Neutrality in the Deep Neutral Zone.
"Hello."
"We wish to know about your progress."
"Progress with what?"
"We do not care."
"I'm making average progress."
"Have you found anyone else to bond to the cause of Neutrality?"
"Wando the wizard."
"We ask you to find and recruit a new agent for us. And then to get someone to really hate Neutrality, to balance things out."
"OK."

-"What should I do when I find a candidate?"
"Invoke us. We will answer. Or won't."

-"When you return to the material plane, you see that half the city has burned down. Also, some posh elves are dragging the unconscious newb Elf in front of the tour bus and then run away."
"I wake him up... hey, do you know what happened?"
"No."
"Was it Bill?"
"Probably."



-"Where is everyone?"
"No idea."
"Let's go check out that van over there."
"What could go wrong?"

-"Hello?"
"Hello?"
"Who's that baby?"
"the voices you hear are Big Fat Merlin, and Chariss, inside the van."
"Oh God!"
"Don't open that door!"

-"Merlin and Chariss are the most disturbing couple in this campaign."



-While the PCs who hadn't been here last session head off to the location of the Pythian ship with Chariss and Merlin, the rest of the PCs are inside the complex.
"I'm going to slam into that door labeled 'medlab' in Elvish. I get a 17."
"You fall and fall flat on the floor. Pythian metal is really hard."
"Wait... I didn't count the +4 bonus for Bless!"
"That bonus is for fulfilling the quest. You're only trying to get into that room for the loot."
"...true."
"I know how you think."

-Catboy opens the door with his high-tech lockpicks. Inside, there's a medical android that seems slightly damaged.
"WELCOME PATIENT!"
"Huh? I back away a bit."
"I AM READY TO OPERATE DO NOT RESIST"
"I try to run!"
"Neuter him, android!"
"It's for his own good."
"This is an intervention, Catboy!"

-"Maybe it has some drugs for Chariss?"
"Ask her if he has any nipple implants!"
"That might be possible. The Pythians were very technologically advanced."

-The party destroys the robot-medic, and then heads to the other medlab, where they find a Robot Nurse, who is not violently insane.
"GOOD DAY INDICATE YOUR INFIRMITY"
"He doesn't have nipples!"

-"Will you come with us?"
"I MUST REMAIN IN MEDLAB UNTIL I AM RELIEVED BY ANOTHER MEDICAL ROBOT."
"Hey, get the head from the other robot and put it on. Then maybe we can convince her to come with us."
"Sure."
"MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU HAVE KILLED DOCTOR BOT HE WAS THE ONLY MAN I EVER LOVED"
"So wait.. she's not programmed to give us directions to the computer core, but she was programmed to love?!"



-"Wait, Keith Richards is alive?"
"Yes, he's the king of the lost city of Tijuana, in the Shithole."
"He's a Daemon Patron?"
"No, just immortal."
"He's sort of like the Tom Bombadil of this campaign."

-The party moves on, and eventually finds the science labs section. In the first of these, there's a Lab Technician Robot, which claims that it's working on a "cure" for aberration/mutations.
"How good a cure is it?"
"I AM STILL WORKING ON IT."
"But if it works, it would remove mutations?"
"YES.  IN THEORY IT WOULD BE SUCCESSFUL AT EXTINGUISHING 100% OF ABERRATIONS."
"Wait... do you mean by killing the person who was mutated?"
"CORRECT"

-When the PCs open the next room, they are bombarded by a cloud of reddish dust that turns out to be a toxic mold that's both mutagenic and radioactive!
"What do we do?"
"Let's go back to the medilab."



-While the Nurse Bot is treating the afflicted, Bill goes and casts Mend on the Doctor Bot. It is restored to full function but without its artificial personality or knowledge. It's essentially an amnesiac.
"Follow me."
"AFFIRMATIVE"
"I go into the other medilab."
"MY LOVE"
"IDENTIFY YOURSELF"
"DO YOU  NOT REMEMBER ME?"
"THIS UNIT HAS NOT PREVIOUSLY ENCOUNTERED YOU"
"I AM PROGRAMMED TO LOVE YOU ANYWAYS"
"Alright, that's enough of that. Come with me robot."
"NO DO NOT LEAVE ME"
"I MUST FOLLOW MY DESIGNATED USER"
"NOO FOR A BRIEF MOMENT I KNEW LOVE"
"Jesus, it's a goddamn robot soap opera here."

-Bill insists on taking the Mended android with him, breaking the nurse bot's heart.
"From now on your name is Roboto."
"UNDERSTOOD"
"And if anyone asks your name you say 'Domo Arigato, Mister Roboto'."
"I OBEY"



-The party makes their way into the security office, and there find the corpse of a Pythian knight, and some Pythian Battle Armor!
"We can give it to the Elf Newb."
"Wow!"
"You put it on?"
"Yes."
"And turn it on?"
"Yes."
"It short circuits and electrocutes you for 10 damage."
"I'm probably dead, and I just hit the xp for level 1."
"He was in the danger zone, even armor isn't safe there!"
"This is what happens when you try to do something nice for a newb!"

-"The newb-elf's been electrocuted! We have to do something fast!"
"Agreed. I cast Mend on the armor."

-"The Elf Newb is dead!"
"On the plus side, one of your three replacement newbs will get to have some truly badass armor."

-The party also finds a Pythian Laser Pistol.
"I test fire it on the Elf's corpse."
"It does 29 points of damage".
"OK, I'm keeping this!"
"But I was the one that found it, Heidi! No fair!"
"Here, Catboy, take this pointy stick instead."

-3 Newbs are brought into the ruins by Blitzkrieg Sakomano.
"Hey guys, I found these three so I figured one of your party had died."



-"There's a former sky-nazi stormtrooper, a 3rd grade latrine technician, and a Kekistani Memetician."
"Meme Magic!"

-The PCs find the power core, and head back outside.
"I'm calling Sandi."
"I prepare my shield!"
"For a radio call?"
"Heidi is a seriously abused spouse."

-"You're not getting any answer."
"Something's wrong."
"Could Sandi have been attacked?"
"More likely she's killed the mobsters who set up the communication tower!"
"Either way, we should get back there."

-The party tries to convince Laquanda to let Blitzkrieg take them down to the surface.
"There's no way I'm going down to the G.O.D-damn surface!"
"OK, calm down, Laquanda..."
"Oh no, catboy.."
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!"
"I'm just saying she's being hysterical."
"Oh that's it! GET OUT. All of you! You want to go to the surface, take that broke-ass tour bus down there!"

-The party high-tails it away from the Superfly and takes their broke-ass tour bus down to the surface, to go find out what's happened to Sandi.

-Along the way, the party manages to get some rest, and the trans-warrior levels up!
"Because you're a Neutral Warrior, your new level-title is 'Non-Berskerer'."
"Awesome!!"

That's it for this time. The party is headed back to Castle Dread to find out what's up with Sandi, and then probably back up to try to go to the Death Race 3001. Stay tuned next time to see what new side-quest they inevitably get distracted into!

RPGPundit

Currently Smoking: Dunhill Amber Root Bulldog + C&D's Crowley's Best

Saturday, 28 December 2019

DCC Campaign Update: I Cast Mend on My Ass


In our last session, the PCs had ended up in a floating island known as Smuggler's Cove. They're waiting there to meet with their old friend, the renowned pilot Blitzkrieg Sakomano, and his ship (the Superfly II), which is the only skyship capable of reaching the Sky-shield (so they can attend the Death Race 3001, mostly for the XP).

Now:

-The PCs are approached by a posh elf in a fancy looking Edwardian suit.
"Who are you?"
"Oh, terribly sorry. I'm Neville Neville, 13th Earl of Starsclyde."
"What the hell do you want?"
"I was wondering if you'd be at all interested in going on what I believe they call a side-quest?"
"Huh?"

-"We don't even have a ship. I mean, we have this bus, but we don't own it."
"What is this side-quest anyways?"
"Well I'll tell you: it's damned bloody interesting!"
"...OK, let's do it!"
"You son of a bitch, I'm in!"



-"Is it a heist?"
"Of a sort."

-"Where are we going?"
"To the ruins of a Pythian Skyship."
"A Pythian Skyship? If Bill could mend that.."
"I find that highly unlikely. But if you could it would be invaluable to Her Majesty's sky-Navy, and our conflict with the blasted Sky-Nazis."
"If Bill could Mend it, we'd be taking it for ourselves."
"What the devil would you even do with a Pythian Skyship?"
"We'd run it in the Death Race 3001!"

-"If you chaps took the Pythian Skyship, you'd make yourselves a target for the entire Sky-Nazi fleet!"
"Stop trying to sweet-talk me, Neville!"

-"Where's Chariss?"
"Chariss and Big Fat Merlin have snuck onto a nearby van... and it's a rocking."
"Oh god!"



-"OHhh Merlin!"
"Aww Chariss it feels so good when you squish between my folds!!"
"I say. Those two aren't going to be coming with us, are they?"
"I think they're coming by themselves."

-Meanwhile the Sky-Cleric had been kidnapped by Sky-mexicans. The PCs decide to go find him. Along the way they run into a food cart.
"Khal Kalash!"
"We'll buy your entire cart, if you tell us where the Mexicans went."
"OK."



-"We head into town in the direction the vendor said."
"Heidi is pulling the cart along with him."

-Along the way they pass by a tailor's, and Neville leads them in there. It turns out that under the shop there's a secret high-tech complex for his organization's agents.
"So you're like, a secret agent?"
"Her Majesty's Elven Secret Service."

-"Do you have secret spy weapons here?"
"What? No..."
"Come on! There's a bullet-riddled dummy over there! And that shoe on the table has a blade sticking out of it."
"And that science-elf just made a big deal of giving you a very specific fountain pen with charges."



-The mexicans turn out to be hiding in the back of an Empanada restaurant.
"Let's go!"
"Wait, Catboy, you just left the Khal-Kalash cart outside unattended?"
"So? We've made bad investments before..."

-A big fight ensues. The Mexicans try to escape with the Sky-Cleric still tied to an office chair, but get intercepted by Neville, who turns out to be a very decent fighter.
"While the Mexicans are busy fighting, you notice the cleric's office chair was left at an inclined on the road and he's slowly starting to roll downhill."
"Nooo!"

-"Bill turns on all the gas and then leaves a spark in the Empanada restaurant as he walks out."



-"I'll get the Khal Kalash cart.."
"You left it unattended in a bad neighborhood. It's gone."

-"I look at the VR helmet the Mexicans put on the cleric."
"You see a set of swirling hypnotic patterns, interspersed with half-second subliminal images of Mexican stuff."
"Like Piniatas?"
"Enchiladas?"
"Quinceanieras?"
"Dia de los muertos?"
"Yeah, Mexican shit."



-The Superfly II arrives in Smuggler's Cove (which is now partly on fire thanks to Bill the Elf's act of arson). Blitzkrieg Sakomano has answered the PCs' call, along with his crew, Laquanda and Space Bear.

-"Hey guys!"
"Hey Blitzkrieg! Want to do the Death Race 3001?"
"You son of a bitch. I'm in!"



-"Who's this?"
"Oh, she's Bill the Elf."
"What?!"
"Oh shiiit.."

-"No, no, Heidi's confused. I'm not Bill."
"Oh yeah, right. I'm sorry, Bill."
"God damn it, no! You just miss Bill a lot, right? And sometimes think I'm Bill..."
"Whatever you say Bill!"

-"OK fuck it, he's Bill."
"God damn it. I can't go 20 minutes without you guys revealing me."



-"Where's Sami?"
"Oh yeah, Sami ran off with a blob. Sorry Space Bear."
"RRRAARGH."
"Translation: Thank God!"

-"Don't worry Laquanda, I may have a hot blue elf girl body but I'm not trying to take your man."
"Oh, I'm not worried you polymorphed freak. You couldn't do nothing for my man with that skinny-ass elf body of yours!"

-"OK, so you guys are all  my friends."
"Yeah!"
"But I've heard a lot of bad stuff about Bill..."
"They're all lies."
"I doubt that."
"OK, none of them are lies."

-The party goes to tell Merlin and Chariss that they're headed to a ruined Pythian Warship.
"Hello?"
"We don't really want to open that door, do we?"
"Fuck it, I do it."
"OH GOD!"
"So that's how Shoggoths are made!"

-"You're a woman after my own heart, Chariss! My own severely compromised heart!"

-"Don't you be staring, Bill! You may be an elf woman now, but your scrawny ass won't do any damn thing for my man!"
"Why does everyone keep saying that??"



-"Did the empanada restaurant explode?"
"Oh yeah. It totally exploded and now half the town is on fire. You guys just didn't care enough to notice."

-The cleric's brainwashing (or depograming? No one's sure) by the Sky-Mexicans has left him completely confused.
"Ask G.O.D. to fix you, Cleric."
"How?"
"Ask him to make you normal!"
"Even G.O.D. can't do that."



-The Party heads to the isolated asteroid where the ruins of the Pythian Skyship are found, leaving behind Chariss and Merlin in case any stragglers return.  They get into the ship, and run into a trio of Pythian Security Robots.
"They have laser beams! One hits you for... 48 points of damage"
"Oh shit!"
"I'm down."
"Also, make a saving throw."
"I failed."
"I'm sorry, Bill, but the laser severed 92% of your ass."
"No!!"
"which was already scrawny to begin with!"

-"The robots destroyed Bill's ass!"

-"I'll attack the robot that's almost destroyed."
"The Cleric sees his chance to steal glory from the Catboy!"

-"Bill saved his death roll!"
"Good."
"But what about his ass?"
"I cast Mend on my ass!"

-"So Neville, if Bill manages to Mend the Sky-ship, he'd get a Ladyhood?"
"Possibly."
"And will we get knighted?"
"No. You're not elves."
"So we'll all be like Chewbacca at the end of Star Wars? We get nothing?"



-The party gets to an intersection, where they can tell some kind of creature is lurking behind an elevator. The Cleric tries divination.
"Will the creature harm us if we approach peacefully?"
"It says no."
"OK. Heidi starts getting closer, holding a nutri-bar in his hand... hellooo?"
"Six horrifying creatures that look a bit like skinless leopards with tentacles sticking oout of their sides jump at you to attack!"
"The damn divination was a lie!"

-"Are they displacer beasts?"
"NO! They're Phase Leopards. Non-copyrighted Phase Leopards."

-"Heidi grabs one of the Phase Leopards and wields it as a weapon against other Phase Leopards."
"Heidi is improvising with weapons after his sword vanished because of that spell misfire. It's hitting him hard..."

-"I'm going to attack the Phase Leopard that Heidi is holding."
"So you're trying to disarm Heidi?"

The party defeats the Phase Leopards. But the sky-Cleric's faulty divination spells haven't got them any closer to finding the computer core of the Pythian ruin. They decide to call it a night there. Stay tuned next time for more DCC craziness!


RPGPundit

Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Egg + Country Doctor

Friday, 27 December 2019

RPGPundit Reviews: Cha'alt

So, here's a video review of the setting/dungeon "5e and OSR compatible" product, Cha'alt, by Venger Satanis.

You know, there's Normal Fantasy, Gonzo Fantasy, and then Stupid Gonzo Fantasy.

Guess which one Venger is a master of?




RPGPundit

Currently Smoking: Masonic Meerschaum + Elizabethan Mixture

Wednesday, 25 December 2019

The Medieval-Authentic Companion Gets its First 5-star Review!

So, it's been out less than a week now, but The Medieval-Authentic Companion already has a review, and it's a doozy.  This five-star review was by Eric Fabiaschi of the Sword & Stitchery Blog!


So go check it out, and then go buy The Medieval-Authentic Companion!




RPGPundit

Currently Smoking: Blatter Diplomat + C&D's Crowley's Best