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Sunday 31 March 2019

Inappropriate Characters, Tonight!

Tonight, Sunday the 31st of April, the RPGPundit, Venger Satanis & Grimjim get together LIVE at 7:30pm CST to talk D&D/OSR/RPG news & controversy on Inappropriate Characters ! Stay tuned tonight! More updates coming up.


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Solitario Horn + Dunhill Elizabethan Mixture

Saturday 30 March 2019

G+ Last Call: Follow me on MeWe

So, this is the last moment to share with all of you where you will be able to find me from here on in.

First of all, there's this blog! Obviously, I continue to post here (almost) daily.
Then, there's my Youtube Channel. I post there once or twice a week.
After that, there's also theRPGsite forums, which are still the best possible discussion forum for RPGs in the entire internet.

But none of those are really G+ style social media. So while you can definitely find me on (and the OSR Minds group), the main place you'll find me posting G+ style will be on MeWe

MeWe is a (horribly named) social media network focused on security and privacy which is good, but they're so privacy-focused it's a bit hard to find anyone.  Even though there's more gamers on MeWe than on Minds, it's a lot harder to find them. Still, if  you're new to MeWe add me, and then add all the people on my friends list or whatever!
Also, there's groups, just like Google's. I run the MeWe Dungeon Crawl Classics group there (the good one, not the 'dcc' one run by SJWs), as well as the Inglorious OSR group, and finally the new Dark Albion/Lion & Dragon Mewe Group!

If it's political posting you want (along with some RPG material too), check out my Twitter (@KasimirUrbanski). My tweets are a steady mix of political and RPG-related and RPG-political.

So, I'll sure miss G+. But I hope to see all of you in these various other places where I can be found.


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Solitario Egg + Barking Dog

PS: Stay tuned tomorrow, March 31st, at 7:30 CST, for a new episode of Inappropriate Characters

Friday 29 March 2019

Medieval-Authentic Adventure: The Cymri Davey

Today, I present you with RPGPundit Presents #72: The Cymri Davey!

Inspired by a combination of events from history and a classic English Folk Song, this adventure features a mission to try to find the wife of a local aristocrat who has run off with a Cymri (Welsh Gypsy) scamp. As you might expect, there's several twists to the scenario, people working against the PCs, complications and potential wilderness encounters!

Playable with any OSR system (though designed for Lion & Dragon), or adaptable to any edition of D&D or other fantasy system, The Cymri Davey is an adventure with a mix of action, investigation and roleplaying that can be run by pretty well any level range.

You can pick up RPGPundit Presents #72: The Cymri Davey at DTRPG, or from the Precis Intermedia webstore!

And while you're at it, be sure to pick up the rest of the great supplements in the RPGPundit Presents series:

RPGPundit Presents #1: DungeonChef!

RPGPundit Presents #2: The Goetia  (usable for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #3: High-Tech Weapons

RPGPundit Presents #5: The Child-Eaters (an adventure scenario for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #17: The Hunters (an adventure for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #21: Hecate's Tomb (an adventure for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #54: Medieval College Adventures (compatible with Lion & Dragon)

RPGPundit Presents #58: Expanded Prior History Tables  (compatible with Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #65: The Defilers (compatible with Lion & Dragon)

RPGPundit Presents #68: The Cult of the Saints (compatible with Lion & Dragon) 

RPGPundit Presents #69: The Path of Trees (compatible with Lion & Dragon)

Stay tuned for more next week!


Currently Smoking: Mastro De Paja Rhodesian + Image Virginia

Thursday 28 March 2019

Altabahia: Ciudad de Fumetas!

De los anales de la infama campaña de fantasía gonzo de RPGPundit, Último Sol, RPGPundit Presenta #49: Altabahía, Ciudad de Fumetas

Enfréntate a la Guardia de la Ciudad, experimenta la multitud de drogas disponibles (y la Tabla de 'Te Pasaste, Colega'), explora los diversos barrios y lucha con las bandas criminales (como la Mafia Bharata, la Mafia Cirílica, los Hombres Buitre, los Dracónidos, los Fantásticos Religiosos, y más). Se proporciona también una tabla de encuentros aleatorios, y una guia a los efectos de una variedad de drogas. 

Puedes comprar RPGPundit Presenta #49: Altabahia, Ciudad de Fumetas en DTRPG, o en la tienda virtual de Precis Intermedia!

You can also purchase RPGPundit Presents #49: Highbay, City of Stoners in the original English on DTRPG


Currently Smoking: Neerup Hawkbill + Image Virginia 

Wednesday 27 March 2019

How to Run a Really Long RPG Campaign!

Today's new video. Check it out, and tell me if you agree, or what other things you think are important (and how long your longest campaign has been)!


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Solitario Egg + Image Latakia

Monday 25 March 2019

My DCC Campaign Is Six Years Old!

So, yesterday my DCC Last Sun campaign officially turned 6 years old!  That's not the longest campaign I've ever run, but it is still quite an accomplishment.  I'll note too that a lot of my campaigns are in the 'winding down' stage by the time they turn 6 years old, but the Last Sun campaign is still going incredibly strong.  We currently have 7 dedicated players, and the adventures just keep getting crazier.

To celebrate, we continued with our annual tradition (started and handled by Bill the Elf's player) of eating an anniversary rogel cake!

(Bill the Elf with his Insulin-apocalypse cake)

This year there were also several gifts. A cool new dice box and some more dice for my big supply of random dice for my players to use (those that don't want to bring their own dice set to my games), which was also provided by "Bill".  And the Mexican Sky-Cleric's player (formerly the Vegomagus) brought a cheap shitty copper wire sculpture he was conned into buying by some random hippie.

Catboy brought a bag of chips, I think. And yet, he managed to stay alive for yet another session.

Our two newbie players managed to finally get characters to level 1.

Heidi crashed on a sugar overdose, and we had to end the game early.

Anyways, a great time was had by all!

I think my DCC campaign is easily the funniest and funnest campaign I've ever run. It's always a joy to play.  It's also turned out to be remarkably productive for my creative processes.  You can follow my DCC campaign's blog entries right here on this blog, this is the latest one so far. You can read a huge archive of our earlier adventures (up to one year ago), on theRPGsite's RPGPundit sub-forum (you have to be registered on theRPGsite to read it though).

It's also inspired me to write a crapload of Gonzo OSR supplements, which you can find in about half of the issues of my RPGPundit Presents series!  Check them out, they're great!

Anyways, I'm willing to bet, acts of G.O.D. notwithstanding, that you'll be seeing a 7th Anniversary post in a year's time.  This campaign certainly looks like it's not going to be going anywhere anytime soon.


Currently Smoking: Masonic Meerschaum + Dunhill's Elizabethan Mixture

Sunday 24 March 2019

Wild West Campaign Update: The Battle of Iron Springs

The PCs continued riding with Wyatt Earp and his Immortals, hunting down any Cowboys they can find.

Having set themselves up in the eastern road to Tombstone, they decided to wait in ambush for any Cowboys that might come along to join the huge posse they now knew Johnny Behan was forming to go after them.

After waiting for some time, they finally spotted a group of four Cowboys. The nine Adjudicators divided themselves in two and rode in on them from either side, coming out from behind some dunes.

There was a fairly quick shootout, but the four Cowboys didn't stand a chance. One of them was an important Cowboy rancher, Ben Maynard, and as he lay dying, he warned Kid Taylor that they'd all been charged with murder, and Curly Bill and Johnny Ringo were lawmen now and were coming after them with 50 men.

The group decided that given this news, it might be better for them to turn around and head toward the Dragoon Hills, track around there, and then circle back to come out in southern AZ where they could go through the various small towns of Cochise county and kill more small groups of Cowboys.

They rode toward the hills, but the next day, Crazy Miller's eagle-eyes spotted some horsemen coming toward them. He couldn't quite make out from that distance whether they were Cowboys or not, but they realized that if they were there were about 15 of them and it would be wise not to engage. So they turned off-trail, heading for a dry creek-bed familiar to Sherman McMaster, where they could hide a while and make a stand if necessary. They hid out there, but when they weren't approached they assumed the riders either hadn't spotted them or didn't follow them. They proceeded toward the woods around the hills.

Arriving near the entrance to the hills, they encountered a group of renegade Apache. It looked like just a handful of them, but the party knew that it was common practice for the Apache to have a larger warband hiding nearby. The Indians asked them if they had an beef, and the PCs offered them some jerky; remembering that the Apache didn't like the Cowboys, they explained who they were and that they were planning to kill all the Cowboys. The Apache were incredulous, knowing the Cowboys' numbers. But one of them noticed Doc Holliday, and commented that he has the 'spirit of death' in him.

Either out of respect for the Adjudicators, or fear of Doc Holliday, the Apache let the party pass without incident.

The party carried on and the next day went through the wilderness. They rode up to Iron Springs where they planned to rest the horses for a while, but then Crazy Miller spotted someone on the other side of the creek: Dirty Dave Rudabaugh. He wasn't sure if Dirty Dave, his old companion who had now joined the Cowboys (on account of his friendship with the Clantons), had intentionally exposed himself to warn the party or was just incompetent, but either way he just barely managed to shout out a warning that it was an ambush.

The firing started, with Texas Jack Vermillion getting his horse shot out from under him, pinning his leg. He would spend the entire fight trying to get out from under it. Kid Taylor's horse was shot through the neck but he fell free of it, and headed for cover. The rest of the Adjudicators jumped off their horses, except for Jackson, who was slow to react as usual, and Turkey Creek Jack Johnson who turned around and tried to gallop away, deciding he'd had enough of this.  There were nine Cowboys on the other side of the creek, including Dirty Dave, Johnny Barnes, and Curly Bill Brocious, who was so sure they'd got Earp now that he mocked them "How you doing, Wyatt? We got you in a bit of a crossfire!"
From behind them, several shots rang out, as another five cowboys shot at Turkey Creek as he fled.

After getting of his horse, Doc Holliday stumbled, falling to the ground from a coughing fit. All this hard riding was devastating his fragile health, and the PCs had seen him getting more pale, covered in his own sweat and struggling to breathe as he hacked out blood. It looked like he might not be able to do any good in this fight.

From tree cover, the PCs tried to shoot back. Kid Taylor got behind his dead horse for cover. One of the cowboys nearly shot his head off but the bullet was blocked by his rifle butt as he was reaching for it.

Jackson managed to get off his horse and go for cover, but then a couple of Cowboys shot him in the knee and chest as he peeked out to shoot.

Wyatt seemed in a haze. He gripped his rifle tightly and shouted "NO"! He turned and started walking, right out in the open, and straight into the creek. The Cowboys on the other shore all started firing on him, and yet he kept walking. They shot his hat, his coat was riddled with bullet holes, and his gun holster was blown off, but not one bullet as much as grazed him.

Crazy Miller was behind cover, when he saw the five other Cowboys coming up behind him. He called for help and fortunately, Doc Holliday was up by then. He'd willed himself to stand calling out to Wyatt to stop, thinking his friend had lost his mind and was going to be filled with lead; and when Doc heard Crazy call out he spun around fast, two guns in hand and hip-shot both of them shooting two Cowboys dead both through the head.

The other PCs, seeing that the Cowboys across the creek were momentarily distracted firing all around Wyatt, turned too. They killed two more of the men coming at them from behind. One of the Cowboys got a shot off at Kid Taylor, hitting him in the chest with what should have been a mortal blow. but to everyone's surprise, he was still alive!  The shot had been partially stopped by the Bullet-Proof Vest invented by Kid Taylor's friend Doctor George Goodfellow.

Wyatt, meanwhile, had gotten within 20 feet of Curly Bill, who came out to meet him. Curly Bill shot at Wyatt but missed, as all the shots fired on Wyatt did. Wyatt shot back and killed the leader of the Cowboys.

The PCs, meanwhile, had been shooting the hell out of the rest of the Cowboys, as they had now turned the tide. Within a very short time, all the Cowboys at Iron Springs were dead, except for Dirty Dave Rudabaugh, who had fled and tossed away his red sash in a panic.

The party had won the battle, though not without cost. Texas Jack had a badly sprained ankle. Kid Taylor was injured but not nearly as badly as  he otherwise would have been. But Jackson was critically injured. Kid Taylor's medical skill stopped his bleeding with an emergency surgery, and pulled the bullet out of his chest, but he was still very weak, and would soon die from infection.

While Kid Taylor operated, the other Adjudicators caught their breath. Sherman McMaster scouted around to make sure no Cowboys were left in the area, and came back to report. "Where's Wyatt?" he asked.
"Down by the creek, walking on water.", said Doc. Holliday was trying to play it like he was just relaxing on a rock but it was obvious that he was actually too ill to stand.

"Damn it, Doc!" said Texas Jack, "You ought to be in bed. What the hell are you doing this for anyways?"

"Wyatt Earp is my friend."

"Friend? Hell, I've got a lot of friends!"

"..I don't."

Realizing that there were more Cowboys on their way, and that they couldn't stay there, the party rode out, heading toward the Sierra Bonita ranch belonging to Henry Hooker, a long time enemy of the Cowboys, in the hopes that they would find some sanctuary there to attend to the still-ailing Jackson, and Doc Holliday.

Henry Hooker, who had more than a passing resemblance to Charlton Heston, welcomed them to stay for a while. He wasn't a big fan of the Earps' fondness for gun control laws, but he liked their "kill all cowboys" policy.


Currently Smoking: Dunhill Shell Diplomat + C&D's Crowley's Best

Saturday 23 March 2019

Classic Rant: Kotaku Almost Convinced Me of What Little Influence Women Had on D&D

It's really quite pathetic. Because the fact is, I know that there were women who had very important parts to play, and significant influence, on the early D&D hobby.

But if you read Kotaku's supposed 'feminist' article about how important women were to early D&D, you'd come out feeling like women were inconsequential. The article is ironically entitled "D&D wouldn't be what it is today without these women", and yet when you look for the list of who these 'journalists' managed to get together, ironically you could very easily remove all of them from the history of D&D and the hobby would have been practically unchanged.

Instead of being able to provide an article that talks about the important early contributors to the hobby, what this article does is show us a group of second-tier writers, mostly admitted non-gamers, who did very peripheral products for D&D like maps, choose-your-own-adventure stories, and some art. Stuff which was in no way central to early design. Stuff that anyone else could have done.

I mean, I know, it's Kotaku: everyone who works for them actually hates gaming of all varieties, gamers, and thinks all geek hobbies are The Enemy that needs to be destroyed. But do they really have to be so incompetent they can't make their own title argument!?

It's probably because the person writing the article has no idea what they're doing. If they did, they could have mentioned Lee Gold, who published Alarums & Excursions and had enormous early influence on the hobby. Or Jennell Jaquays, which seems an odd omission, unless Kotaku now thinks that transgender women don't count?

On the other hand, it's more understandable that they would miss out on most of the other important and influential women in early D&D. Because these were not writers or game designers or publishers: they were gamers. Some of them were related to the early creators of the hobby (like Elise Gygax), and naturally that would discount them in the minds of the third-wave feminist author of the Kotaku piece; even though the Gygax women (not in spite of but by virtue of being related to Gary) probably had much more influence on the early hobby than anyone the 'reporter' mentioned in her piece. Others were women like Mary Dale, who had joined with her brother and had an influential early character in Gygax's original campaign.

But to Kotaku these don't count, because they're not the 'strong independent female designers' that they want for their narrative.  Never mind their real influence on the hobby, they just don't fit the story, even if no one actually does because the type of female influence Kotaku wants to 'discover' on early D&D (where there was some hugely influential female game designer as important as Gygax or Arneson) just never happened. So instead, they pick the nearest facsimiles they can get a hold of and try their best to make an untenable argument.  They start out with Jean Wells, who was certainly an important early figure, as their best possible argument, which just shows how weak their argument is. And from there they proceed downward to Margaret Weis, who helped make the shittiest D&D setting in history, long after the influential early period, and was basically a novelist rather than a game designer. Her contribution to the hobby was a series of modules that enshrined railroading and metaplot, causing enormous harm to the game and arguably being one of two markers of the end of the original Old-School period (the other later marker would be the printing of 2e itself, under the supervision of another destructive woman, Lorraine Williams; I'm kind of shocked that Kotaku didn't try to rebrand that hobby-destroying she-harpy into a feminist D&D heroine!).

Anyways, way to shoot yourself in the foot, Kotaku. It's a lucky thing you got it at least partially wrong, because if you were right, it would have meant that women were of absolutely no meaningful significance in the creation of D&D.


(originally posted June 27, 2017) 

Friday 22 March 2019

DCC Campaign Update: I Hope There's Younglings In There

In our last session, the PCs had wandered around the planes trying to figure out what to do; first when they heard that Sezrekhan's new Phylactery was the Libram of the Ten Spheres, then when they found out it had been stolen from the Crown of Creation by one of the dwarves they'd brought back from the past, then when they heard that Sezrekhan had taken over Anthraz's body, and finally when they discovered that the Crown of Creation has been corrupted by the power of the Dark Ones (apparently brought in there somehow by that same dwarf).


-"The campaign has reached the point where we now need to specify which literal ass we're referring to."

-They're beaming back Bill and Catboy from the surface, when there's a mysterious transporter error!
"We got Catboy but that's not Bill!"
"No, it's Catboy and three assholes."
"So, four assholes?"

-Bill's missing, and in his place there's a Vegan Mutant former-slave, a Scotsman Mutant Alcoholic, and a Purple Mutant Elephant-Butcher.

-"Sami immediately shoots the Scotsman."
"What the fuck, Sami?!"
"Sami, you need an intervention!"

-"Let's all calm down. We'll have some cocaine.."
"Bill had it."
"Oh fuck!"

-"I need my cleric powers back. I'm itching all over!"
"Sami's addicted to being a cleric."

-"Is the Sword of Neutrality trying to compel me to do anything?"
"No, it's not trying to compel you to do anything at all."
"If you feel compelled to try to do things it'll probably try to calm you down!"

-"Bill tried to sell you out, Roman!"
"Did he offer me to Sezrekhan?"
"No, but he said you're an Ancient."
"You know, we Ancients have a saying: he who reports on private information is likely to be harmed!"
"Snitches get stitches!"

-"You know, it disturbs me that Bill is one of this period's most successful people."

-"So, have you found anything, Roman?"
"No, Catboy, because you keep fucking talking to me!"
"Don't worry Catboy, everyone tells me to shut up too!"
"Shut up, Sky-Mexican, or I'll build a wall right here!"

-Sami is so desperate from her withdrawl symptoms that she's ready to give a blowjob to Republican Jesus in the hope of getting divine power.
"You, angel boy, drop your pants!"

-"We don't have to actually RP this do we?"
"Fuck no! This isn't Alpha Blue!"

-While Republican Jesus is... busy... with Sami.. the rest of the party raids his armory.
"Holy crap! RJ has a nuke!"
"We should nuke the crown of creation!"

-The Sky-Mexican cleric found a missile launcher.
"It only has two missiles, but they do 8d6 damage each."
"Wow... are there any spare missiles?"
"You find one extra missile behind a barrel of moonshine."

-"Are there gadgets here?"
"What are you, a pussy?"

-"Are there gold-plated guns?"
"Roll perception."
"I failed."
"Then unfortunately, you didn't find the Gold-Plated Trump Special."

-"Is there a Claymore?"
"For sure. RJ probably cried when he watched Braveheart."

-"Well, we're all stocked up with weapons."
"You guys are lucky that Republicans give way more to charity..."

-Catboy decides to go knock on Anema's door.
"Oh.. Catboy.. I didn't know you were here."
"You see that her room has a holo image that clearly shows the control room."
"Yeah, I didn't know you were here either."
"Dude, who are you fooling? You're in the Sun, she's the Spirit of the Sun, and you're at her bedroom door."

-"I.. I've just been really alone..."
"Damn it, Anema. Her and Catboy deserve each other."

-"So um.. where have you been?"
"Oh, I've heard Coolland is pretty cool..."
Yeah.. I go there because I'm cool.."
"Footage not found."

-"I like how the heart of the sun is where you guys just go to get guns and sex now."
"And drugs!"

-Roman has found a solution!
"You know how there is an Apocalypse Protocol that could theoretically cleanse and reset the material plane? Well, there's one for the Crown of Creation too."
"So, how is it activated?"
"The Ancients made a safeguard consisting of five rings, that contain the source code for the Crown; a five-fold word that causes the crown to reboot fully."
"A code? Have you tried 12345?"

-"Catboy, promise me you'll come back to me after you save the universe, again."
"I promise, Anema."
"Good. And I promise I'll try not to immediately become bored of you, again."

-"So where are these rings?"
"One is in a burger shack in Wisconsin. The second is in the Island of the Blue Elves off the Southern Continent of the material realm. The third is in the Birthing Slurries of the Stone Realm. The fourth is in the Great Temple of the Grey Realm, and the last one is in the Imperial Palace of the Jade Realm."
"Birthing slurries?"
"Yes. That's where Stone Men are born."
"It's probably like lava."
"Or like a mud pit."
"It's more like a mud pit, yes."
"See? Catboy's always right!"

-"Do you want to take the Sunstaff Roman?"
"Oh great, let's keep all the ways to get to the Crown of Creation in one place."
"Yeah, that's probably not a good plan."

-The PCs return to the Plane of Wisconsin, and get to the burger shack, where a grizzled old fry cook is at work.
"What'll you have? Mushroom Burger Special?"
"No! We're here for the ring."
"I still want the Mushroom Burger."
"One Mushroom Burger coming up!"

-"The Fry Cook is really powerful."
"His only jobs are to make burgers and guard the ring."
"Just like that guy whose jobs are to kill Catboy and then the sky-fuhrer!"
"I wonder if we could recruit that guy, after he kills Catboy?"

-"I'm an Ancient."
"You don't have the clearance rank to take the ring!"
"Look, I'm the senior known surviving Ancient."
"The second-most senior surviving Ancient is Mongo!"
"Oh shit, that's true!"

-Roman puts on the ring.
"Wait.. you're not going to eventually betray us, are you?"
"Hey, I trust you, Zargon! Er.. I mean, Roman!"

-After Wisconsin, the PCs take the UFOe back to the Grey Realms, and head toward the great temple.
"Remember, everyone keep cool, we were technically never meant to come back here."
"You get to the temple, and a Grey Alien in fancy robes opens the doors."
"Sami shoots him."
"Oh shit!"

-"Another priest starts to run away, shouting 'help! We're under attack!'"
"Nice, there's more of them!"

-"damn it we have to leave one alive!"

-"Heidi rips the throat out of one of the priests, Mortal Combat style."
"What are we doing?!"
"I don't know anymore!"

-"Go in there and kill anything that moves!"
"I hope there's younglings in there."

-"This is a holy temple!"
"It's not a temple of G.O.D.!"
"Yes it is!"
"Not the G.O.D.!"
"Yes it is!!"
"Not the one in the Crown of Creation!"
"Oh shit, my bad... well, still, shoot anyone that moves!"

-"Give us the ring!!"
"We don't have it!"
"Where is it??"
"It was confiscated years ago; the former queen wanted it for a costume party and never gave it back."
"Oh shit, Priscilla has the ring..."

-"Kill them all."
"No! They're men of G.O.D.!"
"Then they'll be happy to die for G.O.D."
"We wouldn't!!"

-"Let's go check out the palace just in case. Remember, if anyone asks what happened here, Bill sent us!"

-"So this whole session has been about sex, drugs and unnecessary manslaughter?"

-"How do we get into the palace?"
"We could sneak in?"
"Not likely."
"Well... we can fly.. and we have grenades.."
"So you want to drop grenades on the roof?"
"Yes, Roman."
"That... that's the greatest plan I've ever heard!"

-"I've noticed that there's an inverse relationship between Heidi's Pacifism, and how close he is to leveling up..."

-The party ultimately decides to just walk to the front gate, and end up being brought before Fake-Bill.
"Hey guys..."
"What's up?"
"I thought I sent you guys on a very distant mission...?"

-"If you try anything, we have our artillery targeted on your UFOe."
"There's no one of value there."

-"Priscilla took the ring."
"Oh. Fuck."
"Well, at least I'll finally get to kill Priscilla."

-"We can try to reason with the Jade Empress."
"I'm sure the Jade Empress will be reasonable..."
"We're screwed."

-"We'll land the UFOe near the palace and--"
"They're firing jade missiles at us!"

-The Jade army forces attack.
"What are the characters doing?"
"I'm staying near the open door of the UFOe with a rifle, and try to shoot at any oncoming missiles."
"My other guy lost his dagger so..."
"Wait, the dagger you fumbled back then and it just fell at your feet? You never bothered to pick it up??"
"No. Fuck that dagger!"

-"Wait... was that a magic dagger??"
"And you never picked it up?"
"You're a newbie! You shouldn't even be allowed to have a magic dagger!"
"Now I don't!"

-The PCs communicate with the jade forces, under Supreme Commander Jade Stone.
"Send me someone to negotiate."
"Who? Do we send?"
"G.O.D. help us, but of all the people who can fly, he's the most reasonable one right now."
"Damn it, Sami!"

-"Roman, can I get my force field belt back?"
"Now I feel safe."
"Yeah, that will really save you from the jade missiles."

-"Supreme Commander Stone, I can promise you that we do have an ancient, and we're here to get the Jade ring to save the universe."
"We'll need expert advice here, so I'm going to call in the Historiologist."
"Who's the historiologist?"
"He's the one with the ridiculous hat."
"It's the natural way of showing hierarchy."
"Like my sombrero!"

-"You have an Ancient?"
"It's a long story... actually, it's pretty short: we went back in time."

-"The Queen will have to approve to give you the ring."
"She better, because Sami will be pissed."

-"Why don't you bring the Ancient here?"
"We need to be sure he's safe."
"We'd have to be insane to hurt an Ancient!"
"It's happened before."
"Mostly that was us, though!"

-"How can we tell he's a real Ancient?"
"If he's a real Ancient he'll be able to decode some of the artifacts of Ancient-tech we have in the vault. Call the Technologist!"
"The 'technologist'? What does he do, The Science?"
"No, he's a specialist in Technonomy, of course!"

-"You guys better not try anything; I'm 1xp from leveling, so you do not want to piss me off!"

-"So, if you are an ancient, you will be able to identify the property of this mysterious sphere that has technology so advanced we can't figure out what it does."
"Roman touches it and music starts playing, and lights start flashing."
"It's a disco ball?"

-"If anything happens, start killing people!"

-The Jade people reach an agreement with the PCs, they'll exchange the Jade Realm's ring for the opportunity for their specialists to download the databanks from the UFOe to learn what the Grey Realm invasion plans are.
"Anything you don't want us to download?"
"I'd avoid any folders that have the word Probing in them."

-"So honestly, Jade dude, how do you guys reproduce?"
"...the exact same way you do."
"So like, man and woman parts?"
"Stop talking!"

-"Roman puts on the Jade Ring."
"Does he look like Thanos?"

-Sami's comments to the Jade technician about how organics reproduce has put his life in danger.
"I want asylum! I want asylum!! They'll kill me if I stay here! I know too much now!"

-"Come on, Stony!"
"Stony? He has a name, I presume."
"Yes I do. My name's Rocky!"

-"So we just got a new NPC?"

-"You have a fugitive on your vessel!"
"We do?"
"We'll look for him."
"If we see him, we'll let you know."
"New radio, who this?"

-"Just remember we have an Ancient on this ship!"
"And the Catboy, so if you kill us, you'd be a Sky-Nazi!"

-"You are not taking this seriously! You'll be forbidden here. Jade Men never forget!"
"Fuck off."
"That was Sami!"

-"So you're saying there's two things you need to know about the Stone Realm..."
"How do you mean?"
"OMG, the Ancient's didn't know the 2 things joke!"

-"I don't want to contradict the Ancient, but we were told the Stone Men were actually dangerous and aggressive."

-"Zeke and Rocky, you stay behind."
"Good, It'll give me a chance to teach Rocky the word of G.O.D."
"Don't baptize him! We might need him later!"

-"Good luck my friends, you can contact me if you need to."
"We can but probably won't."

-The PCs are almost immediately attacked by Stone Men.
"So half of the party are kicking ass, while the newbs are uselessly throwing rocks."
"And the sky-cleric!"

-"Does Sami actually like any character at all?"
"Do NPCs count?"
"Then no."

-Heidi gets 4 fumbles in a row, 2 in a single round!
"In this last one, he drops the demon sword!"

-"Newbs, it's OK! These are tough opponents, no one is expecting anything of you. Unlike the Mexican Sky-Cleric."
"Or Heidi!"

-"The trans-mutant newb grabs the sword!"
"What's your INT + WIS?"
"What? Holy shit! You are able to control the daemon-slaying sword. You cannot, however, control Heidi, who goes next and is probably going to kill you for stealing his sword."

-"Heidi grabs the sword back."
"The sword is now happy to be back with Heidi. You get the feeling it was unhappy with the trans-mutant, for some reason."

-"I just got hit. It hurt."
"Don't worry, we have two clerics in this party... ohhh, wait.."

-"Will someone fucking kill the other Stone Man?!"
"I am on my way!"
"Oh fuck, everything depends on the Mexican Sky-cleric!"

-"The sky-cleric charges on his hoverbike!"
"Natural 1; he crashes his hoverbike, flipping it multiple times and lands on a bunch of jagged rocks, possibly dead."

-"Is Heidi in the air right now?"
"No, his jetpack came loose in a fumble, remember?"
"He can't fly."
"Well, he could, but it wouldn't go well."

-Heidi finally gets a critical, and disembowels the Stone Man in one hit.

-"I give you guys 3xp for this fight, just because of how sorry I feel for you."

-"So now, all six of the newbs are just 1xp from levelling!"
"They're all going to die!"

And on that bombshell, we leave the PCs. Stay tuned next time to find out if Bill the Elf will be back, and whether the PCs will be able to keep gathering the rings to turn Roman into Thanos!


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Egg + Image Latakia

Thursday 21 March 2019

The Reivers: A Medieval-Authentic Borderland Adventure

This week, I give you a new Medieval-Authentic adventure scenario, for Lion & Dragon but playable with your choice of OSR or D&D game, in the form of RPGPundit Presents #71: The Reivers!

This is a medieval-authentic adventure set in Dark Albion, along the area of The Wall between Albion and Scots Land. But you could probably set it up in any fantasy world where there's a wall to keep off barbarians.

In The Reivers, the PCs get caught up, in the area held by Albion just north of the wall, in a treasonous plot to help the Scots Men in what looks like an invasion plan, taking advantage of the instability of the Rose War. There's also crazy hermits, wilderlands, corrupt lords, and of course lots and lots of Scots Men!  What's really going on? Is there supernatural activity afoot, machinations of traitors coming to fruition, or mere stealth and bribery of the Scots Reivers?

You can pick up this short adventure for just $2.49 from DTRPG, or from the Precis Intermedia Webstore!

And while you're at it, be sure to pick up the rest of the great supplements in the RPGPundit Presents series:

RPGPundit Presents #1: DungeonChef!

RPGPundit Presents #2: The Goetia  (usable for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #3: High-Tech Weapons

RPGPundit Presents #5: The Child-Eaters (an adventure scenario for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #17: The Hunters (an adventure for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #21: Hecate's Tomb (an adventure for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #54: Medieval College Adventures (compatible with Lion & Dragon)

RPGPundit Presents #58: Expanded Prior History Tables  (compatible with Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #65: The Defilers (compatible with Lion & Dragon)

RPGPundit Presents #68: The Cult of the Saints (compatible with Lion & Dragon) 

RPGPundit Presents #69: The Path of Trees (compatible with Lion & Dragon)

Stay tuned for more next week!


Currently Smoking: Mastro De Paja Rhodesian + Image Virginia