The new and improved defender of RPGs!

Tuesday 30 April 2019

Monday 29 April 2019

Classic Rant: There's no "4th Wave" OSR, Yet

So I've been meaning to get around to responding to this here, but other posts had taken up my attention until now. In response to my recent repost of a classic blog entry on the 3rd Wave of the OSR, maverick RPG-designer and Priest of Cthulhu (yes, that's a thing, somehow) Venger Satanis posted his own blog entry claiming that there is now a "4th Wave" in the OSR.

What does Venger think this 4th Wave consists of? Basically, products that in some way have some vague sense of 'old school feel' but do not have to actually follow any of the design rules of the OSR. That is, the systems they use are new-school rather than being derivations of the original D&D rule-sets.

Now, maybe someday there will be some kind of 4th wave of the OSR, one that no one has envisioned yet that injects some new kind of creativity into the OSR framework; but sorry, Venger's definition is not it.

What Venger is describing is neither a movement nor a part of the OSR at all. It's just a way for people to try to shoehorn non-OSR products into the OSR.
It fails as a classification because all you're claiming is that it's "stuff that seems old-schoolish but with totally unrelated systems". That means that those products that could fall under this don't have anything in common even with each other. Aside, that is, from a desire to benefit from the current popularity of OSR products. You can almost claim that as a category, its commonality would be in trying to trick people into thinking they're getting an OSR product when they're not.

Take, for example, Dungeon World and Alpha Blue: two totally different systems. Two totally different settings. One is a storygame, the other a rules-light regular game. The only thing they have in common is that they're trying to worm their way into the OSR without being actual OSR games.

That doesn't make for a classification.

In what way can Alpha Blue claim to be OSR that Maid the RPG or My Life With Master or the latest Star Wars FFG boardgame/rpg could not claim to be so?
Because Venger said so? What would stop Luke Crane from claiming his latest Storygame about homosexual victorian-era latin professors discussing their mortality is OSR because he said so?
Venger might claim that the difference is that Alpha Blue tries to make claim to an old-school feel, but really the main way Alpha Blue has an 'old school feel' is that it is appealing to old-school sci-fi, being based as it is on a (smuttier) version of 1970s sci-fi. But again, by that logic something like Starblazer Adventures would be "OSR" in spite of being based on FATE. 
Maid and My Life With Master obviously don't try to appeal to some kind of Old-School feel, but games like Dungeonworld or Torchbearer were made by the Storygame crowd to try to look as much as possible like OSR games while actually (deceptively, I would argue) fooling purchasers into getting a game that is almost the exact opposite of Old-school in terms of mechanics.
Alpha Blue's system is not as such Anti-OSR the way those storygamer-products are, but it is still not an old-school system.

The fundamental design framework of the OSR, system-wise, is starting with an old-school system and then heavily modifying it. That's a bit different than just making up a rules-system and calling it OSR.
One of the things that defines the OSR is that it is a Design Movement. It says you have to play within a framework, of certain rules, of the old-school mechanics. And then playing around with that to create totally new and different stuff. That's what's interesting and exciting about the OSR, and with 2nd and 3rd wave OSR products it results in games that, rather than being less creative somehow, are in fact challenged to produce something more creative yet highly playable, by testing it's designers to make something new and awesome while still painting within certain broad lines.
The point of the OSR is that it's all about innovation and creativity while following certain parameters.

That's why it's so interesting and so successful, because the restrictions on the design system oblige you not to go the lazy route of just making something up, but rather you have to figure out really creative ways of doing new things with old mechanics. When you do that purely with system, that's 2nd wave. When you do it with setting, that's 3rd wave. When you just don't do it at all, it's not OSR.

Otherwise, if you get to just say that your thing is OSR, you get to the point where you're just diluting the definition into non-existence so that everyone can cash in on the bandwagon whether they have anything to do with it or not.

It's like claiming Blink 182 are Punk Rock.
Hell, it's like claiming One Direction are Punk Rock.


Currently Smoking: Mastro De Paja Bent Apple + Gawith's Commonwealth

(Originally Posted July 11, 2017)

Sunday 28 April 2019

Inappropriate Characters LIVE TONIGHT!

So, tonight at 7:30PM CST we will be LIVE with Venger and Grimjim, on Inappropriate Characters!

Be sure to check us out, as we talk about Frog God/Bill Webb SUING Chris Helton, Stacy Dellorfano and Jessica Price. Also, we'll be talking a bit about the subject of "realism" in RPGs.
Plus, whatever Venger decides for a topic!

Join in on the fun. Don't miss it!


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Volcano + C&D's Morning Drive

Saturday 27 April 2019

(Lords Of Olympus Campaign Update Not Submitted)

Sorry folks. The player who was sending the LoO updates has not been handing them in lately. I'm off to play LoO, and maybe if fire him I'll do some very point-form type of updates on it in future. Maybe.

Friday 26 April 2019

Unboxing: The Fantasy Trip Legacy Edition RPG!

In today's video I'm unboxing the amazing TFT legacy edition box set! Check out everything that's in it!


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti A + McLintock's Syrian Latakia

Thursday 25 April 2019

Frog God Games is Suing Christopher Helton

This little bit of news came to me today. It made my day.  Helton is a piece of garbage who has been writing as a "games journalist" on RPGs for a long time now, and was one of the first people to call for me to be blacklisted when it came out that I was one of the Consultants on 5th edition D&D.

He was one of a group of SJWs who had been trying to defame Bill Webb and Frog God Games while trying to pressure Steve Jackson Games into dropping their collaboration with Frog God.  So Frog God/Webb reached out to Ty Beard, a lawyer who is becoming increasingly famous for taking on cases of fighting back against SJW harassment and false accusations.  And Beard shared this tweet today, specifically stating that he looks forward to "discussing" Helton's allegations against Webb "under oath".


Oh, and icing on the cake: they're suing Stacy Dellorfano and Jessica Price too!


Currently Smoking: Ashton Old Church Rhodesian + C&D's Crowley's Best

Tuesday 23 April 2019

The Bungalow of the Beach Giant Chiefs!

Surf's up, everyone! It's time for a new Gonzo adventure, and in celebration of our 75th issue, it's a call back to some of the most classic adventures of the Old-School era!

RPGPundit Presents #75: Bungalow of the Beach Giant Chiefs is a crazy but serious adventure for mid-level characters, usable with any OSR ruleset. It's ostensibly set in the world of the Last Sun (where all the Gonzo series of the RPGPundit Presents books are set), but it can very easily be transplanted to any coastal area of your own gonzo-fantasy setting.

In the adventure, the PCs find out that the powerful but usually laid-back Beach Giants are having a big party/conference, hosted by the Beach Giant Chief, with invitations extended to the Cloudy Giants and the Stoner Giants, and even the Evil Bears of the tangled wood. Is this an attempt to form a great alliance to conquer the lands of normal-sized men? Can the PCs travel through the badlands and the Wasted Lands to get to the Bungalow of the Beach Giant chiefs and stop them?

Be sure to pick up this awesome gonzo-fantasy adventure! For just $2.99 you can buy The Bungalow of the Beach Giant Chiefs from DTRPG, or from the Precis Intermedia Webstore!

And while you're at it, be sure to pick up the rest of the great supplements in the RPGPundit Presents series:

RPGPundit Presents #1: DungeonChef!

RPGPundit Presents #2: The Goetia  (usable for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #3: High-Tech Weapons

RPGPundit Presents #5: The Child-Eaters (an adventure scenario for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #17: The Hunters (an adventure for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #21: Hecate's Tomb (an adventure for Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #54: Medieval College Adventures (compatible with Lion & Dragon)

RPGPundit Presents #58: Expanded Prior History Tables  (compatible with Lion & Dragon!)

RPGPundit Presents #65: The Defilers (compatible with Lion & Dragon)

RPGPundit Presents #68: The Cult of the Saints (compatible with Lion & Dragon) 

RPGPundit Presents #69: The Path of Trees (compatible with Lion & Dragon)

RPGPundit Presents #72: The Cymri Davey (compatible with Lion & Dragon) 

Stay tuned for more next week!


Currently Smoking: Mastro De Paja Rhodesian + Image Virginia

Classic Rant: Why Classic Player/GM Roles Matter

In a recent RPGsite thread, the age-old debate was once again reignited about the question of why it would be a bad thing to take away certain powers from the GM (in this case, the GM's authority to roll dice). Some of the typical arguments were presented; and here's my response to them.

a. You maintain the traditional role of the GM as "it's all about meeee!"

No, I maintain his traditional role as "The GM is the final authority of the RPG game; NOT the loudest most annoying player, NOT the "rules-as-written-and-interpreted-by-the-best-rules-lawyer, NOT the Asshole Game Designer who thinks his own personal genius makes him a better judge of what should happen at a gaming table 3000 miles away from him than the guy actually running the table; NOT a movement that thinks GMs are a Product of Rape-Culture Imperialist White Patriarchy".

b. You want 'your' monsters to be as important as the player characters!

The monsters ARE as important as the characters. If you understood how RPGs worked, you'd know that. Shit, the weather is as important as the player characters. Whether or not there's gunpowder available in the market is as important as the player characters.
The player characters are just the Players' vehicles to interact in a VIRTUAL WORLD. Since the entire fun of the game depends on the realistic emulation of that Virtual World in order to achieve IMMERSION, all of those things are equally important for Fun to be achieved.

If a player feels like world is flat because he only ever interacts with the world through rolling his own stats, as if nothing in the world but his own PCs' stats were real or mattered, then the World does not become True, he can't achieve Immersion, and THE GAME FAILS.

c. We are ultimately in service to the players!

No. The GM and the Players are ALL there to have fun. The GM isn't a fucking slave there, to be punished for some imagined ancestral sin by having to be a toadie to whatever a group of fetishists want as fantasy wish-fulfillment. There's a reason why Forge games are all for one-shots.

The GM has a DUTY to make sure his players will have the most fun possible for the longest time possible. Why does he have that Duty? Because HE IS THE ULTIMATE POWER, and with great power comes great duty. If he didn't have that power, he would not have any such duty and could be whatever kind of piece of shit he wanted. And for that matter, if he did not have that power he wouldn't even have the capacity to make sure players have the most fun for the longest time possible, because to make sure that happens he must be able to have the power to say NO to their capricious little spoiled whims of the moment. If he can't say No to them getting whatever the fuck they feel like just now, the game ends quickly as one or two people at the table (again, the loudest, most annoying players) get a session that went exactly how THEY wanted it to, and everyone else feels cheated.

d. Yeah, well maybe there's better ways out there than your one-true-way!

There aren't. That's why none of the bullshit garbage ideas the bullshit garbage Swine have come up with over the years to try to hijack games has produced anything other than misery, and why Old School, my "one true way", and myself personally are all more popular now than ever.
Must suck to be you some mornings...


Currently Smoking: Stanwell Deluxe + Image Latakia

(22 June 2017)

Monday 22 April 2019

The Army of Fake-Nice People

Well, I wasted a good part of my entire day.  Aside from the 7 hours where I ran DCC, where I made a point of avoiding  the phone, I mostly ended up being stuck on Twitter.

I had to deal with literally thousands of "Critters", fans of the Critical Role show, coming to attack me, all because I commented that an article that reported on the huge CR kickstarter was actually pretty void of content.
Note, I was criticizing the article, not the show. But even so, Matt Mercer decided to show up and comment on the thread, but not even at that point, but later when the whole thing had evolved to a discussion about Stories in RPG play.

Matt Mercer makes a big show of trying to appear like a "Nice Guy", acting as if he's always friendly and tolerant... except for that time he blew up about the Kavanaugh Hearings and told anyone who didn't agree with him to "fuck off from our game".  Anyways, his Nice Guy Mask was carefully preserved, while he tacitly drew attention to me so that thousands of Critters could come attack me.

Meanwhile, his "community" of "Critters" frequently tweet about their "good manners". That didn't stop them, however, from dogpiling me, posting personal insults and attacks, doxxing efforts, and all kinds of other harassment-style tactics.

So I can dish it out with the best of them, and made a point of responding to every single critter with more than 100 subs (you'd be surprised how many had less).  But it's just the hypocrisy of their fake 'niceness', trying to promote that most fundamental of what some have called the "green meme", the boomer-era value placed on feelings and being nice and friendly above all else. The problem is this niceness is increasingly incompatible with the rampant intolerance and aggressiveness of the Left.

Anyway's that's all just to explain why I am not doing anything more than this, today.


Currently Smoking: C&D's Bayou Evening

Sunday 21 April 2019

Wild West Campaign Update: the Fenians

After their participation in Wyatt Earp's vendetta ride, the members of the Adjudicators had crossed state lines to Colorado, to hide out in Trinidad, a town where their ally Bat Masterson had established himself as a local saloon-owner and the town's sheriff.

While Other Miller took a lengthy train trip incognito to Kentucky to visit his wife (and the child he'd never even met yet), Kid Taylor purchased some land in Trinidad to try to start a new practice there, the Apache got a job working as Bat Masterson's jailer, and Crazy Miller opened up a diner. Crazy also received a letter that shook him to the core: his dear friend and professional psychopath John Joshua Webb had died, in Mexico, of smallpox.

Crazy Miller could barely believe it. Webb had seemed unstoppable. And now he was gone. He went around in shock for a good while, and then sent a telegram to Miss Scarlet, the former madam of his establishment known as the Den of Sin, asking her to come to Trinidad.

On the way back from seeing his family, Other Miller first ran into Miss Scarlet, who joined then train in Dodge. Then, in La Junta, their train was boarded by someone who had quickly become famous in the west, a certain tall and dapper Englishman who had been traveling the west lecturing miners and cowhands on Aesthetics.  Other Miller and Miss Scarlet met none other than Oscar Wilde.

Wilde was going to stop in Trinidad to give a much-anticipated talk to the local coal miners. But it turned out he had a problem: he'd gotten a menacing letter, a threat on his life during his last stop in Leadville, from some members of the Fenian movement. These Irish nationalists, showing their typical incompetence, either didn't seem to know that Wilde was himself Dublin-born and of Irish descent and favorable to the cause of Irish Independence, or they just didn't care and felt that the chance to murder one of Britain's most popular celebrities would be worth it. Wilde had heard that Wyatt Earp was now in Trinidad, and hoped that maybe the famous lawman would be willing to protect him, but this was something Other Miller felt was highly unlikely. On the other hand, he was fairly sure Bat Masterson would be willing.

Indeed, Bat was very willing, particularly after meeting with Wilde where the two hit it off almost immediately. Bat recruited Kid Taylor, who Wilde seemed to find very charming, to act as Wilde's direct bodyguard, while Bat set out to investigate in order to try to find any potential Fenians.  He sent the Apache out to search around the bad side of town.

The Apache managed to quickly find three suspicious characters, who looked both like easterners and Irishmen. When one headed off downtown, the Apache followed him and found that he'd stopped right in front of the hotel where Wilde was staying. The Apache warned Bat Masterson about this, and Bat had him go back and spy on the other two while he went with Other Miller to have a talk with this Irishman.

They found him right where the Apache said, but the man saw Bat and Other approaching, and he stood up and started walking away at a nervous pace. Bat called out for him to stop, but the man started to run. Bat shot at him to try to get him to stop, and hit him in the ankle; the man turned and drew on Bat. Bat shot again, trying to shoot him in the gun arm but the shot was off by a bit and hit him square in the chest. The man fell, critically wounded.

They got him into the hotel and called up for Kid Taylor. Unfortunately, Kid had spent the last few hours drinking Absinthe with Oscar, and was not in his best faculties, but he started to operate regardless. While this was going on, Texas Jack Vermilion came in, having heard the shots. He was introduced to Oscar by Bat, and once again they seemed to become fast friends. Crazy Miller and Miss Scarlet arrived as well, after having had tea together and talked in a more candid and friendly way than they ever had until now. Scarlet realized that Crazy had called her here not to come and work with him, but because he needed to be with someone, and she didn't seem unfavorable to the possibility that they might become more than just business associates.

To Kid Taylor's credit, even half-stoned from the green fairy he still managed to save the Fenian's life. They woke him with smelling salts and he refused to talk but Miss Scarlet managed to half-seduce and half-fast-talk the Fenian into admitting that his compatriots were going to try to kill Wilde when he gave his talk at the mines.

Bat Masterson went to check on the Apache, and at the same time Crazy Miller went to find Wyatt Earp. He'd wanted to have nothing to do with all of this, but Miller convinced Wyatt that it would be good press for him (and by extension all of them) if he was to play a part in saving the life of Oscar Wilde.

So when the Apache reported that the two Irishmen had rode out to the mines, Wyatt joined Bat, Crazy, Other and Miss Scarlet to ride out after them.  Kid Taylor and Texas Jack stayed behind to keep an eye on Oscar Wilde, who was unwilling to cancel the talk but was willing to arrive 'fashionably late' in order to give the shootists time to deal with the Fenians.

They arrived at the mines, where there was already a large crowd gathered at the miner's hall waiting for Wilde. The group entered and looked around amidst the large assembly, eventually spotting the two Fenians. Bat and Wyatt were closest to them, and as they approached the Fenians cried out a call for a free Irish Republic, and drew their guns. In their nervousness they shot and missed, and the two shootists returned fire. Very quickly, one of the Fenians was incapacitated, and the other was dead.

Wilde gave his talk on aesthetics to a crowd that quickly went from rowdy to enraptured, winning them over as he had everywhere else on his western tour. The local papers were full of praise for Wilde, but mixed in their response to the lawmen's actions. Some reported that Bat and Earp had been heroic in saving the life of the great speaker, while others felt that they had been reckless, and that Masterson's election as town lawman had introduced the arrival of a violent element to the town that had not previously existed there.


Currently Smoking: Blatter Diplomat + C&D's Crowley's Best

Friday 19 April 2019

Sexual Harrassment in Gaming is Solved by MORE Masculinity, not Less

In today's video, I take a serious look at the claims about 'toxic masculinity' in gaming, and address what can really help those situations where a woman gamer is being in some way harassed by a male gamer.

Check it out!


Currently Smoking: Dunhill Amber Root Bulldog + C&D's Crowley's Best

Thursday 18 April 2019

DCC Campaign Update: I've Killed Closer and Better Team-Mates

In our last session, the PCs had headed back to the material plane, to the island of the Blue Elves, to try to retrieve the fourth of the five great Power Rings, needed in order to purify the now-corrupted Crown of Creation. Unfortunately, the hyper-advanced Blue Elves are not in a communicative mood, and tried to shoot down the PCs' ship. They landed on the mainland some distance from the island, and rested up long enough for the newbs to reach level one.


-"Now I'm a 1st level warrior!"
"And I'm a 1st level wizard."
"Wizards are always more trouble than they're worth."
"Yeah, I remember the Fishman; he totally wasn't worth it."

-"Now that you guys are 1st level, you don't have to listen to the Sky-Mexican Cleric anymore."
"Wait, the Sky-Mexican is still here?"

-"We should try to resurrect the Vegomagus."
"Even if you did, it would have to be the one from his 3rd level character sheet, since the 4th level sheet was burned up when the character died."
"Yeah, he'd be respawning from an earlier save."
"The joke's on you; the 3rd level Vegomagus was actually more useful!"
"It's true, he peaked early."

-"Hey don't you think the demon heart might be able to help here in some way?"

-"OK, let's go talk to the crazy murder-elves!"

-"We need to signal them with some kind of universal symbol of surrender..."
"Does anyone have a French flag?"

-"If the Blue Elves have a transmat on their roof, we could teleport a bunch of grenades there!"

-"Man, you'd think an Ancient would at least have a high INT modifier!"
"Hey, my INT is high, it's my WIS that sucks!"
"There's no Wisdom score in this game!"
"Maybe in your edition there isn't, but I'm an Ancient, from before the Disaster! We used different stats."
"Let me guess, your edition was Advanced?"
"You're goddamn right it was!"

-Rocky offers to help with a banner.
"Are you a bannerologist?"
"No, but I've done some banneronomy!"

-"So is the banner done?"
"Yes, take a look! On this side it says 'We want to kill you', and then on the other side 'is what we would say if we didn't want peace, but we do'!"
"You dolt."

-The party leaves their UFOe, and starts heading back toward the coast. They run into a Fire Elemental!
"Should I do something?"
"Beat it with your hammer!"
"No, that'll burn the hammer!"
"That'll be an extra benefit, yes."

-"Can I have a weapon too?"
"No, use your fists Rocky, you're magical!"
"But I never studied boxology!"

-The Fire Elemental being slain, they get to the coastline where they see some trenches. They find that the trenches are occupied by a tiny group of bedraggled Posh Elf soldiers.
"Oh yay, more people with accents..."
"At least their accents are real. Not like yours, Sky-Mexican!"
"Yes, no Mexican has ever spoken like that."

-The four Posh Elf soldiers are all that's left of an invasion force from one of the Floating Islands.
"We're the last of the last wave. We were part of the 52nd Tiddlywinkers Battalion, 3rd Expeditionary force."
"What happened to the other two?"
"The first expeditionary force was destroyed by the bloody blue elves' artillery. So we landed the second on the coastline, and that one was destroyed by short-range guns. Then Her Majesty  had us use all remaining resources to build another transport fleet and took all remaining reserves to land off in the desert. We marched here and built trenches."
"And the Blue Elves destroyed the fleet in the desert and then slaughtered most of the troops with their power armor."
"You guys suck. So why are you here?"
"We have no way to go back. Also, we lost contact with HQ several weeks ago; their last transmission mentioned something about a Sky-Nazi invasion. I guess in retrospect leaving the homeland defenseless was a bad idea."

-Heidi flies out to scout the Island.
"Hey... I can cast Sequester again!"
"OK, I do it."
"But Heidi is on the other side."
"Tell Heidi that he needs to give the password when he flies back: Bill Salamander."

-"I'm approaching the island."
"The Blue Elves launch 60 high explosive missiles at you.  Heidi is hit and falls in a fiery blaze into the water."
"I regret nothing!"

-"There's a whole battalion of Blue Elf power-armors headed right for you."
"The Wizard casts feather fall, to create the mercurial effect of a massive storm that will last for weeks."
"The Blue Elf power-armor forces are buffeted by the massive winds and start to retreat."

-"You think you see Heidi's corpse flailing around in the hurricane-force winds."
"Someone should go get him when the wind dies down. Wizard, how long will that take?"
"At least a week."

-"Damn, that wizard with his wind!"
"He's suddenly become our most powerful spellcaster!"

-Heidi miraculously survived!
"The wizard tries to take Heidi's sword again, but the rest of the party violently assault him!"

-The party decides to fuck off to Fuck Station Aleph, since the hurricane kind of prevents efforts to approach the Blue Elf Island. Bill casts planar step, but he gets an error, and the party ends up falling from the sky in vicinity to FSA.
"Quick, cast Feather Fall!"

-The party's flyers manage to rescue everyone and a Techno-Walrus shuttle picks them up.
"That was the worst teleport ever!"
"Well, the problem was that I didn't cast it in a bathroom."
"What kind of future is this?!"
"It's the one you created, Roman!"
"It's the darkest timeline!"

-"We still need to find and kill Priscilla."
"No one is killing Priscilla."
"I could, I've known her longer than anyone."
"True, Bill met her in, like, the second adventure of the whole campaign."
"Will you kill her?"
"I've killed closer and better team-mates."

-"You have to hand over all weapons for safe deposit while you're on FSA."
"What if one of our friends is controlled by his weapon and doesn't want to leave it?"
"Then he can't come into FSA."
"Don't worry, the trans-mutants weapon isn't intelligent."

-"Is a shovel a weapon?"
"Technically no."
"Once again, Ilsa's wisdom is profound."

-The party finally gets rid of their weapons, mostly, and since they arrived without a ship, they go get a room in a hotel. Not just any room, the Presidential Suite!
"It has an interactive holographic toilet!"
"Just like the Shithole!"

-The party starts going their own separate ways.
"Catboy, don't you think you'll be safer with us?"

-"Which way to the magic quarter?"
"Head down the Level 2 gallery, past the Orgasmatron."
"The what now?"

-"Roman can you modify the chameleon cloak to make me look like a human?"
"Catboy puts it on and now he looks like a blond haired blue eyed human."
"He looks like a Sky-Nazi!"
"He also has a sombrero."
"So he looks like the Sky-Mexican!"

-"So, Zeke, going to try the Orgasmatron?"
"No I won't. G.O.D. is my Orgasmatron."

-The party gets to the Curiosity Shoppe, in the magic quarter.
"Do you have... Angel Fluids?"

-Catboy finds a souvenir shop run by a Sky-Mexican, and discovers that this Sky-mexican, and possibly all Sky-Mexicans on the station (other than the Cleric) are secret Sky-Nazi agents.

-"I want to buy a jetpack!"
"Do you have any flying experience?"
"Well, then I'd suggest you get the Junior Flier Jetpack, with Woodland Creature Decorations."

-"Bill wants a jetpack too, but he's morbidly obese."
"Not to worry, we have a 'Gentleman of Measure' Jetpack."

-"I'm going to kill the Sky-Fuhrer myself!"
"Yeah, right.."
"Why not?"
"Nothing in your history indicates you could have that level of competency, Catboy."

-The Sky-Mexican Cleric gets himself arrested as part of a sting operation, and manhandled by a surly female security guard named Jolene.
"Not so rough!"
"You probably like it rough! We're gonna have fun tonight.. I haven't bathed in days!"

-Roman and Rocky had gone off by themselves, and also get in trouble. The PCs see 'Wanted' holos of their images.
"Goddamn it."

-Sami goes to the nightclub where Blitzkrieg Sakomano hangs out, hoping to find Space Bear, but apparently Blitzkrieg isn't on the station just now. But she does run into the blob-creature she'd slept with last time she was here, and she decides to sleep with him again.
"He's not Space Bear, but he'll have to do."

-"The Sky-Mexican is secretly a Sky-Nazi?!"
"Look, either he's an absolute master of deception, or the Sky-Nazis really need to increase the quality of their agents."

-Catboy tried to get help from the security forces to protect him from The Man Who Would Kill Catboy And Then The Sky-Fuhrer, and runs into the Sky-Mexican.
"What are you doing here, Catboy?"
"Talking to the security.."
"Snitches get stitches!"

-Bill's Phylactery is in the Plane of Color.
"What the hell is that? It sounds a bit Diversity-themed..."
"No, it's a demiplane that was connected to mood controls. Zargon lives there."
"Oh, shit."

-The Man is ready to take out the Catboy. He tries to trick the Catboy into spotting him, and then leading him to a bomb trap, but the Catboy evades.

-"Heidi is going to attack The Man."
"Bill, are you going to do something? You're actually an ally of The Man..."
"No, Jaludin said I didn't have to do anything, so I'm not going to do anything."
"Heidi severs The Man's arm."
"He literally disarmed The Man!"

-"After the bomb went off, most of the people in the gallery ran for their lives, except the people in the line up for the Orgasmatron."
"Heh, it's addictive!"

-Jaludin contacts Bill.
"Have you betrayed us!?"
"No, Catboy used Locate.  He had a scroll."
"If The Man doesn't kill the Catboy he won't kill Sezrekhan for us!"
"Well, I don't want that. I'm not a sky-nazi or anything!"

-"The Man draws a gun and fires at you, but the bullet seems to disappear. He screams 'nooooo'."
"What the fuck just happened?"
"Did he miss?"
"Hit or miss, I guess he never misses.."

-The Man tries to escape down a hidden service shaft. Heidi and Catboy fly after him.
"Heidi, fly faster!"
"We're already at terminal velocity.. we're probably all going to die...this is fun!"

-The Man shoots again, and hits Catboy right through the head!
"No! I'm going to kill him!"
"The Man teleports away."
"Oh well, I tried."

-Incredibly, the Catboy is still alive!
"I'm unkillable!"

-"Catboy sends a text message to The Man: 'I live, bitch!'"
"He writes back: 'see you soon'."
"I write back: 'fuck your dog'."

So that's it for today. Will The Man kill the Catboy? Will Catboy kill the Man? Are all Sky-Mexicans really just Sky-Nazi agents? Does Sky-Mexico even exist? Will the party ever get back to the main quest?  All these questions will probably not be answered next session, so stay tuned!


Currently Smoking: Ben Wade Canadian + McLintock's Syrian Latakia