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Monday 29 May 2017

New DCC Artifact: The Cyber-Ass of Morris

Those of you keeping track of my DCC campaign will know that Morris the Creep, at present both the second-most-powerful and the second-most-despised party member (in both cases, second to Bill the Elf), had foolishly allowed himself to be probed by the dalek-like Guardian Robots, and implanted with an explosive device.

As of our last adventure, Morris awoke from the Techno-Walrus surgical procedure to "deprobe" him, only to find that while they had successfully removed the huge explosive without triggering it, the operation had lost 47% of Morris' ass.  Fortunately, the Techno-walruses had managed to devise a new Cybernetic Ass to replace the almost-half of Morris' natural ass that he'd lost.  This cyber-ass went on to demonstrate a significant number of interesting qualities in the last session.

So, in answer to what absolutely no one demanded, I now present to you all, the statistics for Morris' Ass!:

The Cyber-ASS of Morris

Init: +0

Atk: none, when attached to organic host, except that it is capable of electrocuting its organic host at will or on command from its programmer. If it does so the host must make a DC15 FORT save or fall unconscious for 1d12 hours. The ass can only attempt to electrocute its host 3 times in a day, after which it must spend 12 hours in "sleep mode" to restore its power reserves.
When detached to its organic host, the cyber-ASS is capable of producing and attacking with (at +2 melee) a retractable vibro-blade that does 1d4+1 damage. This vibroblade could retract while attached to the ass' host but it would retract INTO the host, causing the host 1d4+1 damage to the host each round the blade remained extended.

AC:16 (if the host is wearing butt-covering armor with an AC higher than 16, use that instead)

HD: 30 hit points  (the ASS requires at least a "cyberpunk-level" tech workshop to repair damage)
If the ASS is attached to a live host and reaches 0 hit points, the host will begin to die from organ failure. He will lose 1 (temporary) CON every two hours until he dies or until the ASS is repaired or some substitute for it is acquired.

MV: none while attached. If detached from its host, the cyber-ASS can extend six spider-like legs and move on its own at a rate of 30' per round.

Act: 1d20

Special: Can attach itself to a human or other humanoid organic that has lost 47% of their ass, or has it removed for the purpose of symbiosis with the ASS.  Once attached, the ASS could not be detached without killing the host (unless highly advanced medical-tech or magical-healing facilities were involved in the process).
The ASS can speak in any language known to the Techno-Walri of Lol (which includes all standard languages of the world of the Last Sun). It is also equipped with sensors that allow it to detect life forms in a 30-mile radius around it and identify them by general type (eg. "human", "red mutant", "scotsman", "ocelot", "giant ocelot", "ocelot with top hat", etc.).
The Ass is also programmed with a wide variety of knowledge skills important to the Techno-Walrus culture, including flying and navigating skyships, mechanical and electrical repairs, operating computers (the ass is also equipped with an extension-cord attachment for connecting directly to standard ancienttech-descended computer systems and has a +6 hacking bonus), or heavy weapons targeting. It also has a GPS tracking system.
However, the ASS is an artificial intelligence and is not required to obey orders from its host (unless its host is also its original programmer), and will only be as helpful as it chooses to be depending on its judgment of its host's intelligence and personality and based on reactions to the interactions between the ASS and its host.
While attached to a host, the ASS will be required to "calibrate" once every 1d6 hours. When it is doing so, it will loudly proclaim "ASS Calibrating!", even if at an inconvenient moment. It is not actually required to make said declaration but it will usually do so unless there is an extremely good reason not to (for example, if making the announcement out loud would be immediately dangerous to the ASS itself).
The ASS can operate independently of a host body but it will require either access to a plug-in energy source or to attach to a new host within 3d24 hours, or it will run out of power and become inoperative until recharged or attached.  While attached to a host it does not require any separate power supply.

Saves:  Fort +4   Ref:n/a if attached, +1 if operating independently  Will:+6

AL: Neutral Freak

That's it for today! Let me know if in the future you want more such glimpses into the details of my crazy DCC Last Sun setting.


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Solitario Egg + Gawith's Navy Flake