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Friday 7 October 2016

DCC Campaign: The Backstagening pt.4

(here's more transcript, mostly unedited, from the group conversation of my DCC players! Enjoy)

PART I: BOLT-0's Sex Tape

Bill: Still shitting carbonite.

Chu: Victorious? I only remember a chain of failures, probably just me being negative.

Bill: Chu are being negative. Good xp and Chu complain about it

Chu: Oh, Chu!

Fishman: Stop it.

Bill: I would understand if the fishman is disappointed by not getting xp and a patron, but those things happen when you have the almighty power of ekim's mystical mask.

Fishman: I also have a +1 on unarmed combat.

Bill: Well that sets it, you are OP for a level 2 fishwizard. fwizardman.

Fishman: Wizfish. That sounds disgusting.

Bill: Sounds like jizz fish.

Fishman: WIZARDFISH. Witchfish. Fishlock. Sorcefish.

Bill: Fwizard is so far the best option.

Chu:  Well, It can't be worse than Hambarian and Porkchief.

Fishman: Fwizard it is.  The D is silent.

Bill: We finally have a name for you.

Fishman: Losha?

Bill: Losha the fwizard.

Fishman: Actually his name is Losha the Self-Aware, but whatever.

Bill: like bill the elf, chu the almost known warrior, the thief guy guerrilla, and the drunken maser.

Fishman: You guys are horrible people.

Bill: well you guys called me michael.  I take any name, I used to be just bill, now, apparently i'm somewhat evil. And mean.

Fishman: that's just because we are embarrassed to be your friends.

Bill: I can always Charm you and make you appreciate me, but I have seen what charming pcs does, so no thanks.  On top of that you have you mystical mask that could turn on me.

Fishman: Yeah, Ekim's Mystical Mask would actually work on this situation.

Bill: So we will stick to old fashion you despise me and my ways, yet you find them effective, sometimes. Unless you are focusing under a bridge, not appreciating the crappy shack we got for a few days, which turned out to be of great protection.

Fishman:  I'm just as amoral as you guys. The only difference is that I don't screw thing up for shit and giggles.

Chu: Well, I find that having our own personal chauffeur is easier. That down side he is known almost world wide as an international mass murderer, Baby eater and jaywalker.

Bill: bill just needs to feel the brotherly love. bill might be many things, but never a jaywalker. That's pure slander

Fishman: I don't know if that's legal in Highbay. Brotherly love I mean.
They seem to be pretty progressive, though.

Bill: like man to man brotherly non-gay love, just mano to mano.

Fishman: Hey, man. Mano to mano, mouth to dick, whatever way you do it, I don't think it makes a difference.

Bill: personal chauffeur with a few detours.  I said I was gonna take you guys to where you wanted to go, antraz, get a patron, destroy minotauria, get more drunk. So so far I have just managed to get the drunken master to a place he can get drunk, so 1 out of 4 is done.

Fishman: S'all good. I'm just along for the ride. XP.

Bill: we the party will try to fix this thing in gaga land.

Fishman: Only thing that really matters to me.

Bill: Get a good patron. stick around and try not to die.

Fishman: Azi Dhaka or Sezi.

Chu: Or Alan Moore.

Bill: lord of all flesh. You know that in gaga land they might have a library.

Chu:  Eh, He is not fishman material, I mean I totally see him accept him, but only for fishy business.

Fishman: Stop trying to make puns. Please.

Bill: we will try to make peace with everyone in gaga land, if not they will be happy to sleep with your relatives.

Fishman: Why do you have to make everything sexual?

Bill: Sleeping with the fishes.

Fishman: Stop talking about sex!

Bill: I mean, we can always burn the uncle's castle to smithereens and be done with it.

Fishman: That's plan A.

Bill: I hope the uncle is called Ben.

Fishman: And you know very well we don't really have a plan B.

Bill: so agreed, we get there, rest and burn the uncle castle to smithereens, we then proceed to rest some more while we dispatch some minotaurs and you get a patron under the security of gagaland.

Fishman: Come to think of it, having a plan A is very unusual too.

Bill: Sounds like a plan

Chu: We don't really have a plan yet, what we have is an idea of what we are going to do... which is still weird.

Bill: No Dutch.

Chu: It is still much better than "I will teleport and throw grenades."

Fishman: I miss Ack'basha.

Bill: I must agree that that was a shitty plan, but if we had done that, ack'basha might still be alive. So we go to coolland, we destroy the uncle by fire and excess of force and we then proceed to rest there, right?

Chu: I think we proceed to Anthraz before we get distracted once more.
Our attention span is so low that I think half of the party need Ritalin and the other AA meetings.

Bill: we the chauffeur need to rest, unless you can cut a deal to teleport us there, or even better, get some kind of magic or high tech transport.

Chu: Well, it's Coolland. Maybe they have some cool rides.

Bill: that would be a 67 lincoln continental.

Cool car.

Drunken Master: I present you Bolt-0

Bill: It's a trap!

Drunken Master: It includes the pincers, the topics of conversation and the inability to modulate the voice volume.

Bill: So that's where Bolt-0 has been all along!

Drunken Master: or where he WILL be! Or where he was before meeting us, or where he is now!

RPGPundit: is this thing on youtube or something?

Drunken Master: it's not a really famous show.  There are some videos from the same episode, but not that particular scene

RPGPundit: Holy shit, that totally IS Bolt-0! WHAT THE FUCK?? Who the hell ripped off Bolt-0??

Drunken Master: does bolto have a Sex Mode?

Fishman: You should have copyrighted when you had the chance, man.

Chu: I hope that if he does, he never shows it.

Fishman: Things I don't want to be aware of: Bolt-0's sex life.

Bill: When he cums he probably goes "Bolt-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".

Fishman: Stop. Please.

Bill: Sounding like cluncking unoiled machinery.

Fishman: Why do you have to be this way?

Bill: True evil has many forms.

Drunken Master: only since bill resurrected for the first time. Before that it had only 1 form. The form of an elf

Chu: Yep, this reminds me, I have some bleach to drink.

Bill: Bleach? Night night, close you doors Losha, Bolt-0 might go there for a night cap.


PART II: Highbay's Theme Song

Drunken Master: guys, I'm not feeling good today. I'll have to skip this one

Bill: Noooooo!

RPGPundit: That's a tragedy. We're going to miss the alcoholic. Hope you're not suffering the same thing he is.

Bill: did you spice your meal too much?

Morris: I have to eat now, so I need to wait few minutes to do so, I'll be there a bit late, like at 4.

Bill: We will probably start without you.

Morris: No problem.

Bill: We'll just pretend you're hiding in shadows.

Morris: Ok, that's kind of weird?
High bay theme song:

Chu: I would actually have expected something more psychedelic.

Part III: We're All Well Past Forgiveness At This Point

Morris: I want to use that fucking posible golem (or mecha) to burn all the orcs to ashes ... and then Tolia.

Chu: Well, We will get there are some point when we figure out the fuel problem.

Bill: well, if that is the deal, bill will help you have the steampunk evil idol thingymegiggy, but you take care of it, walking it, feeding it, picking up the shit and house training it. after that if you want to destroy tholia, it's all on you.

Morris: Maybe one corpse is not enough?

Chu: Even tho it is a statue of the guy of blood and fire I think it isn't fueled by neither blood nor fire.

Morris: LOL. I have a thought...aren't we all fueled by blood?

Bill: damn, man, you just get stranger and stranger, soon you will be like a dutch. Anyways, it would look crystals fuel the machine, so I guess the elevator takes to some kind of mine or repository

Chu: Hope so, I find it a bit weird there are No faces everywhere but we will probably figure it our when we get down there.

Bill: we know there is still one NoFace. at least.

Morris: First of all, i'm from Tolia, not from the Netherlands And second, soon I won't be known as Morris the Creepy asshole, but yes as Morris the Insane asshole!.

Bill: Dutch Morris.

Chu: "Dutch" is not a nationality, it is a state of mind.

Bill: chu are right.  You are from tholia, aka minotauria. And I'm from a elven dome and now I'm a radiation mutant, things change accept it.

Chu: If there can be trans-elves, there obviously can be Trans-dutch. its just logical.

Bill: anyways, Morris the Dutch, makes more sense than Morris the Insane Asshole, and nicknames are given, not chosen.

Fishman: Morris the Creep Fuck. The Dutch, for shorts.

Bill: you see? Makes sense, like, Losha the Selfaware, or better known as "Hey You Fishman".

Fishman: :(  Giant Giantsson.

Chu: Or "What did he mean by this?"

Bill: right, giant giantson firefarter.  By now I accept any name they give bill, except michael, that is horrible.

Chu: Sorry, it's my default for fake names.

Bill: Then we have Kromak the Drunken Master.

Chu: I think we should reverse the title, he's a Master Drunk.

Bill: lol

Fishman: What happened with the toaster?

Pundit: I'm pretty sure there's a ton of Boobomancers in the DCC world:
If Morris was a wizard, for example...

Bill: XD Morris the Boobomancer


Fishman: I didn't say that.
I didn't say any of that!
I didn't say it and if you said I did it you are slandering me!
...ok I said it.
But I hope the American People can forgive me.

Pundit: I think at this point we're all well past forgiveness.
Oh, we also might have a new player next game.

Morris: I'm famous! How many likes do I have now?

Fishman: Zero.

Bill: great for the new player.

Chu: I actually politically identify as a shitposter : ^] Yay meat shields.

Bill: Capitalist Shit Disturber sounds about correct.

Fishman: You're gonna be one of the first in front of the firing squad when the Drunken Master's revolution wins.

Bill: I weasel my way out of anything, no worries.
I did not choose the BS life, the BS life chose me.
BS as Bill's Shitstorm.

Pundit: I made Chu look like a Nazi, at least according to Clinton fans, and you don't hear him complaining.

Drunken Master: Is there something you want to tell us Chu? do you stop the bus with one finger or the whole open hand?

Morris: I don't give a fuck about politics.

Pundit: So I got you basically right, then?

Fishman: Die Uber-mann

Morris: We need an apocalypse. Vote for Morris.

Pundit: Morris represents the Creeping Majority.

Morris: Of course he did! Did... because the others are all dead (?

Chu: Can't be neutral in a moving train : ^)
Also, not complaining, live by kek, die by kek.


Currently Smoking: Stanwell Deluxe + Image Virginia

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