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Friday, 18 November 2016

DCC Campaign: The Backstagening Pt. VI

Here's some more of the transcript of our backstage conversations from my DCC campaign (dating from the last couple of sessions):

Shebubu: Oh, Whoom an heroed himself.

Hoom/Equestrian: Someone WAS going to die for not saying the password. Turned out to be him.
But besides the self-awareness, nothing of value was lost. He was a level 1, and had the worst stats i've ever seen in a character.

Shebubu: Welcome to death by Bill town, Population 2 PCs and countless civilizations.

Hoom/Equestrian: It used to be a nice town, but lately minotaurs started moving in.

Pundit: "The minotaurs are easy xp" does not seem to be a theory that's working out well for you guys.

Shebubu: Well, I (Chu) didn't die because of a minotaur, I died because of bullshit demon poison.

Hoom/Equestrian: Mercury poisoning.
You should have cooked Losha better.

Pundit: From a quote on theRPGsite: "well, in the campaign I'm planning on running, Bill the Elf will be a god / patron..."

I'm looking fw to know what are his spells, taints and background story
The germans have a word for what this party does all the time:

too bad the #creepyjuggler won't be coming tomorrow.

Morris: if the team stays in the town, I will be juggling in the creepiest ways, disrupting houses to cuddle people, and that kind of shit

Pundit: Hope we'll see you next time.

Bill: well, if we stay, we can't promise that the city will still be in one piece or even exist.
and if you are not there tomorrow, that means that it's gonna be a bunch of level 1 and 0 and Bill
and even in his best mood and behavior, that does not sounds like it's any likely to have a good outcome
too bad you will miss the royal pole dance.

Shebubu: Did Zabaz die?

Bill: nope.

Shebubu: Fuck.

Bill: Still alive and probably cursing that he is.


Bill: I guess you have to make time to come.


Bill: So is Shebubu coming today?

Shebubu: I am going. We are only missing the Equestrian and Morris.

Bill: So the creep and and the creepy.

Equestrian: Hoooooorseeees

Dwarven Kidnapper: Sorry guys, I'm not going today.

Morris: woooooh

Bill: Darn.

Morris: If Morris is not going, nobody goes. Nobody wants to skip the chance of killing me.

Bill: 4 of us are already here.

Morris: Doh.

Pundit: Good session. No one died. Except Bill's sense of security.

Bill: Damn Fire Vampire.

Morris: No one died, because I wasn't there.

Bill: We might be passing by Tholia pretty soon.

Morris: WWEEH

Shebubu: Bill finally found his equal.

Bill: I need to talk to Pertinax and see what's going on with the lord of blood and fire
If there is such a thing, first time we hear of this fire vampire, Bill is pretty well known for all the wrong reasons.
Bill will be happy to have a shebubu nearby.
And fuck off to another far location...

Equestrian: NO ONE IS SAFE.

Bill: Massacre at Ice Dome Zero.
Or visit the Archemaster with his prize.

Equestrian: Can't we give him Priscilla?

Bill: Or get better, and kill the Duke and the vampire? Well Priscilla does fulfill the criteria required by the Archemaster.

Equestrian: Boom. Problem solved.

Bill: Boom, indeed it could be. And I believe You Know Who would be pretty happy to have that guy gone. They can be happy and dead. Then we sort out the Minotaur issue.

Equestrian: Don't we currently own a bomb? I mean, not us, but almost?

Bill: technically, yes.

Equestrian: Isn't it a BIG bomb?

Bill: Give the bomb to the rebels in Tholia.

Equestrian: I don't think that's a good idea.

Bill: It's supposed to be a big bomb, but knowing Priscilla it might just be a flare.

Equestrian: they might NOT use it. It would be easier to just drop the bomb in Minotauria and be done with it.

Bill: Agreed!
Might not be that easy.

Equestrian: Why not? Spell burn, reach Minotauria.

Bill: How does it work? Remote detonation? Timer?

Equestrian: Wait until you're full, spellburn, leave minotauria, sands bomb.

Bill: Planar Step to the roof of the palace and drop the bomb? That plan did not sound good with a grenade.

Equestrian: An idea worth considering, man.

Bill: Indeed. Fuck it, we might kill Pertinax in the process.

Equestrian: Maybe what we needed was VOLUME. Go atomic big or go home.

Bill: Go nuke or go home.
Or get the word out that those underpants will get you killed, and avoid the whole making another enemy.
Bullshit, that never works.

Equestrian: You know what the answer is. Plan A, man. Fuck shit up.

Bill: trojan nuke?

Equestrian: You are still over-complicating it. Just drop it, and be done with it.

Bill: I guess you're right. Keep it simple.

Equestrian: It'll be interesting to see if we kill the wizard before the 1000 minotaurs.

Bill: They need to be killed in battle; he made that clear. Just a general slaughter would not count, I offered to do that.

Equestrian: Then that's it. Remember when this party had a moral compass?

Bill: then the Archemaster. Then why the Lord of Blood and Fire as a beef with Bill. With Locate Object we might be able to find it.

Equestrian: You ARE one of the most powerful servants of Sezrekhan. He might have a beef with your boss.

Bill: Hmmm. But by now as a Daemon he must be aware of the phylactery, would it be just to annoy Sez.
Specially when Sez is studying the Libram of the Ten Spheres, after which he will be all and all will be him?

Equestrian: Look at you, trying to find the reasons of why things happen to us.
That vampire must have scared you quite a bit.
Is wittle ol' Bill scared of the big meanie vampire?

Bill: Or maybe because at the party at mount Parnassus he got the religious fantastic patron and the lord of b&f just got Friend-Zoned.
Bill dislikes frogs, silk and iron; "vampires" is not there yet on the list

Equestrian: Then be a man-elf and stop worrying so much.

Bill: First time Bill meets a fire vampire, and it tries to kill him, who apparently gets stronger around fire

Equestrian: If the Lord of Blood and Fire keeps pestering us, we'll just find a way to kill him.

Bill: So, no Sequester. No Control Fire.

Equestrian: From what I heard, it wouldn't be the first time this party kills a god.

Bill: Second.

Equestrian: And I could sure use the bump in luck.

Bill: Remember Tiamat?

Equestrian: Before my time. But I know about it.
We just need to get some morons to accompany you and not question the mission.
My current character would do quite nicely in the moron department.
So will Bunda.

Bill: Bunda did great
Yaaaar did great
Even Shebubu did great
Elsa did fantastic
And Priscilla did Priscilla
And Bill just happened

Equestrian: I can't take anyone named Bunda seriously.

Bill: He has aBUNDAnt skills.

Equestrian: Please don't.

Bill: Yarr right.

Equestrian: Good lord. I thought we were done with that when Hoom died!

Bill: never! it's probably the main reason people hate Bill.

Equestrian: I think it's all the genocide.

Bill: Genocide genocide. Potato potato.

Equestrian: I don't see how that phrase could have helped you in any possible way.

Bill: Most things Bill says don't help anyone.

Equestrian: Most things Bill does don't help anyone either.

Bill: Hmm.
I just realized, that the vampire might be after me because I closed the door back to his place and he cannot go back for a while, and maybe it has nothing to do with the lord of b&f or the duke.
And the tricerawasp was like his dog or pet something.
If Sez held a grudge for every time someone messed with his plans to make me do things for him
Straighten things up with the azure order might be the first step to towards redemption

Shebubu: Well, yes it would be, That you want to do it is another very different aspect of this conundrum.

Bill: It's a matter of pragmatism. You can add a Boromir meme: one does not merely hunt down Bill and get away with it.

Shebubu: Oh, I thought you meant this:

Bill: I guess that's a way to get rid of a fire vampire.

Stay tuned for more!


Currently Smoking: Neerup Billiard + Image Latakia


  1. as the one intending to make Bill a god/ patron this is what I have so far (subject to change of course)
    Bill the Elf. Bill is somewhat misnamed in that he is not entirely an elf. You see, unlike most patrons, Bill was once an adventurer (yes, just like you!) and because of a blessing (or curse) has been reborn many MANY times, as pretty much every race and class in existence. Most of the time he remembers his past lives.
    This, as you may imagine, has caused Bill some problems. See, Bill isn't sure HOW he became a god / patron, but now that he is, he is going to do it right! Step 1: get some followers.
    Step 2: ???
    Step 3: now that he is the supreme being in the universe, usher in a new era of peace and harmony.

    1. Bill isn't that much about "peace and harmony", though he might sometimes pretend he is.
      His powers/spells should probably have something to do with generating chaos in the environment around the caster, or generally fucking up situations to a degree directly proportional to his intentions to try to do things right.

  2. Good stuff Remial!

    Versclimmbessern as a patron taint, to have Bill as a Patron you must have a negative intelligence modifier because Bill might not like that you are smarter than Bill.

    And as the Pundit puts it, Bill might have not destroying the universe intentions, but they are far from good ones.

    And Bill will provide the shittiest convoluted plans to solve even the most simple issue.