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Tuesday 1 April 2014

"Noah" Revealed as an April Fool's Joke

The producer and the director the new mega-movie "Noah" have come forward today to admit that the entire movie was intended as an April Fool joke.

Director Darren Aronofsky has said that he "wasn't really sure they would pull it off".  And for good reason, I mean, how could we not have figured they were joking?

After all, it was crazy enough that they went and created a movie where they portray almost everything opposite to the biblical account: Noah is an alcoholic manically-depressed psychopath that wants the extinction of humanity (to the point of letting one of his daughters-in-law die, and then planning to murder his own infant grandaughters so that humankind will be wiped out) who gets magic powers from the skin of the serpent from the garden of eden, who prays to a god that doesn't answer him except after he drinks a psychotropic substance, and whose closest allies in his insane missions are the fallen angels that god wants to destroy. Meanwhile the reason humanity has to be destroyed isn't due to its immorality, but due to its lack of environmental awareness; and Noah isn't good because of his uprightness but because he's a vegetarian who would rather kill human beings instead of letting them hurt an animal (a scene the movie presents as an unquestionably moral act on Noah's part).  God himself seems absent and distant (it certainly seems like its more Gaia than God who is being worshiped in the movie) and mostly blase about Noah's survival or Noah's plan to wipe out the human race; and yet at the very end when Noah decides to spare his baby granddaughters, the movie still somehow presents this as a rebellion by Noah against God; because all know the final moral of the story of Noah has always been "You should rebel against God"!  Or wait was it, "humanity should have been wiped out because it is not environmentally conscious, and it is a moral position to support the extinction of the human race"?

But for all that craziness, the part the producers really couldn't believe anyone fell for was the fact that they were actually trying to spin this eco-fanatical anti-god pro-fallen-angel epic as a "Christian Movie", and made strong efforts (including christian rock!) to promote it to Christians as if there was really any chance that this movie would be anything other than a massive joke on them.  They even included what must have been fake statements by a spokesman of the National Religious Broadcasters, saying (no doubt between stiffled guffaws) "Not once did I ever get the feeling they were anything but serious.  They didn't mock the story.”

And while there were a few (mostly fundamentalist) Christians who figured out that the movie was in fact a very clear and very intentional mockery of everything they believe in, it appears no one put together that this was all a clever April Fool's Joke. 

Well, there you are. I mean really, how did people not get it?  Aronofsky himself repeatedly stated this was "the least biblical film ever made", but people just chose not to believe that his statement was true.


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  1. Why do they let people who hate religion direct major movies about it? There are a number of great directors who would have handled this movie much better.

    (Kind of like how they let that dickhead make Starship Troopers, which he vehemently hated).

  2. Well in this case I think Aronofsky was the one who had the original idea of doing it; its not that it was going to happen anyways and they tapped him to do it.