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Saturday 4 October 2014

DCC campaign update: Inside The Perverted Swamp

In this week's Action-packed Adventure, the heroic PCs:

-camped out on the coastline and ran into the Pirates of the Furry Bay
-found out that with pirates, women are 'bad luck'
-found out that with pirates, humans are 'bad luck'
-found out that with pirates, elves are 'bad luck'
-found out that with pirates, just about everything is "Bad luck"
-decided to leave the pirates, as they were too ridiculous
-met 'Frenchie', the old grizzled gold mutant prospector; that is, a gold mutant who pans for gold, not a dude who prospects gold mutants.
-contracted Frenchie with the promise of as much gold as he could eat, if he'd guide them into the perverted swamp, past the dangerous and savage nudist mutants, and into the half-sunken temple.
-on entering the swamp, learned that nudist mutants look just like naked humans except for the little black bar with the word 'censored' floating in front of their junk.
-drove off dangerous nudist mutants by making a series of silly animal sounds.
-had a dangerous encounter with a giant swamp crocodile, after eating its eggs for breakfast.
-hightailed it to the Half-sunken Temple, chased by 200 nudist mutants.
-discovered that the temple was the only good place to take refuge from the horde of deadly nudist mutants; that's the good news.  The bad news is that the reason they don't dare enter is that it's supposed to be haunted.
-went in anyways, of course.
-left their horses outside right by the temple arch, knowing the mutants wouldn't dare come so near... that's true, but they did dare to throw a few hundred spears at the horses, killing them all.
-faced a knob-polishing robot.
-discovered that if you destroy a knob-polishing robot's knobs, he gets understandably pissed and goes on a kill-all-humans rampage.
-had a near-fatality from elven friendly-fire.
-saw the same elf then use his mighty power rings against the robot... to almost no effect.
-upon defeating the knob-polishing robot, spent several days in the haunted temple recovering. 
-assisted their recovery on discovering that a piece of loot they'd been carrying with them for ages was actually a mechanical jug that generates curative alcohol.
-proceeded to generate curative alcohol out of water, and then out of urine.  And when the urine ran out, they got really desperate and used their regular alcohol.
-found that curative alcohol certainly cures, but it also sure packs a punch.
-while recovering, had yet another near-fatality due to elven friendly-fire, when said elf went mad trying to contact his daemon patron.
-also witnessed said elf lose his elven ears (or in fact any ears, for that matter) to corruption, which the rest of the party thought was the very least the fucker deserved at that point after nearly killing two of his team-mates.
-found a room full of coins and bones.  They wisely chose not to proceed, especially after discovering a tentacled-wall-clinger.
-proceeded to burn said tentacled-wall-clinger to death.
-discovered a bronze door with an iron handle-claw.
-realized that the magic-user's weird mercurial effect wherein casting "Color Spray" causes the nearest iron object to rust would prove enormously useful to get past the door.
-exercised extreme caution in the tunnel full of shades.
-saw the elf use his mighty power rings against the shades... to enormous effect!
-found a sunken, partially flooded room, and no sign of the Mint Condition Pythian Power Armor Suit (with jet-pack and butt-rockets), that appeared to have been looted long ago.
-saw the group's magic-user fall down a drain trap while exploring said room!
-feared the magic-user's death, but in the underwater drain said magic-user made a lucky choice of where to swim, and found his way not only to breathable air, but to the REAL armor-room, complete with Mint Condition Pythian Power Armor Suit (with jet-pack and butt-rockets).
-while busy trying to catch up to the magic-user, had no idea that said magic-user had also encountered the Ghost of Great Bertha, previous owner of said power armor.  The magic-user wisely chose not to confront Great Bertha in single combat for the armor, particularly since said power armor was clearly designed with female proportions in mind, and the party's very tough female Warrior was on the way.
-made a tactical decision as a party upon arrival, to ignore Great Bertha's demands for single combat, and just slaughtered the ghost en-masse.
-obtained the Pythian power armor, finding it to have superlight maneuverability, jet pack, and high-explosive butt-rockets (though only 4 of the original 12 butt-rockets yet remain).  They also found the seal-attachment that grants defense against energy attacks.
-found a sword as well, which immediately took mental control of the surprisingly weak-willed magic user. But since the sword is a kick-ass Pythian Wizardbane sword with a dozen powers, no one seemed to mind much, not even the magic user.
-felt a little less certain, out-of-character, when they realized the sword is also as much of a dick as any elf (particularly an elf from the last great elven military empire), and wants to restore the world to "Law" (and by "law", it means a situation where elves run everything, and everyone else licks their boots).
-promptly Plane-stepped back home, leaving behind the dead horses and the hundreds of violent nudist mutants. They took Frenchie with them, though.


Currently Smoking: Ben Wade bent billiard + Image Perique

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