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Thursday 9 July 2015

DCC Campaign Arhive: The Campaign Enters the Urine-Drinking Stage

This adventure was relatively low on action; there was only one fight and it was quite short, but there were several occasions where the PCs were given xp for overcoming challenges without actually fighting.
In this session, the PCs:

-Briefly became the new Queen Dread's (formerly Sandy the Barbarian's) 'small council'.  Ack'basha the cleric became her "Queen's Hand", eventually with a literal severed hand pinned to his armor.

-Acted as diplomats to negotiate the surrender of Castle Dread, being held by Lord Dread's former henchmen.  The henchmen were ordered by Sandy to surrender to her and swear fealty, or she would personally kill every last one of them with a wooden spoon.

-Were unwisely told to 'fuck off' by the former Lord Dread's officers, who later sent a mostly incompetent assassin after Sandy.

-Promptly got said assassin to snitch, and later tied him to the War Elephant's tusks when they marched forward to besiege the castle.

-Cooked up a plan whereby the common soldiers of the castle were given a chance to save their own hides by murdering their commanders and opening the gates for Sandy.  They did so.

-Noted that Dread's army was a impressively inclusive group of mutants of all colours, united only by their ability to tolerate Dread's cartoonish supervillainy.

-Found the late Lord Dread's collection of ancient pornography, not-so-cleverly disguised as an ordinary library; beneath false book-slips of what looked like serious works were countless volumes of "bazongas monthly", "nipples showcase" and other such works.

-Realized that the late Lord Dread was a sad, shame-ridden, lonely man.

-Saw that when Trannis the wizard tried to obtain a patron, it was yet again the King of Elfland who answered the call.  After hearing a long diatribe about how much 1gp used to get you, Trannis decided to keep shopping for a different patron.

(the king of elfland, in my campaign)

-Did hear some hint from the King of Elfland that some elves somewhere were doing something that might endanger the whole world, but he couldn't remember what.

-Helped design a new banner for Sandy's new empire:  they ultimately decided on the former militaristic black eagle of Lord Dread, mounted on Sandy's War Elephant, wielding a two-handed sword in one claw, an orcish longspear in the other, and drenched the blood of enemies.  Now that's badass heraldry!

-Started the journey to take Bolt-0 the robot back to Highbay; as usual, Bolt-0 injected a great deal of what he considered 'interesting conversation' into the trip.

-Also decided to take Lord Dread's codpiece with them, as absolute proof of his demise.

-Were feted on the streets of Highbay on their arrival, at the news that Lord Dread was slain, and the slightly-less-accurate news that "now one of the good guys is in charge".  Highbay's Chief Officer realized that this might not be quite so accurate when the PCs had to convey Sandy's demands, that she would not raze their city to the ground so long as they provided a regular tribute of hippies for her to work to death on her new lands.

-Started to realize the extent to which their friend Shady Ahmed was involved in the criminal underworld of Highbay, and how quickly their plan to set up a little business for themselves was slipping out of their control.

-Had to deal with the High Council of the city wanting to obtain the Primo Staff for themselves.

-Received a partial but detailed list from Bolt-0 of the known major Daemon-Patrons in the world; apart from those they were already familiar with, the list of names included things like "The Vicious Rabbit", "The Left Nostril of Vecna", and "Alan Moore".

(yes, this Alan Moore)

-Watched as Trannis decided, of all the long list he obtained, to try to call on Lariel The Heretic for his patron; which the rest of the party very quickly felt was a terrible mistake.

-Discovered that Lariel the Heretic is apparently the Patron sponsor of the Religious Fantastics, and although a daemon program that rebelled against G.O.D. (after the latter's insanity) like all the other Daemons, she claims or maybe even believes that she is the spokesperson for G.O.D.'s will in the world now.  And apparently, G.O.D.'s will is to viciously beat anyone who doesn't accept his love and grace.

-Noted how Trannis the Wizard was "baptized in steel", being branded with a metal cross on his forehead, alignment-shifted to Lawful, and renamed "Nigel".  Apparently all the Religious Fantastics are in fact named "Nigel".

(see these guys? Every single one of them is named "Nigel")

-Were pleased to hear that Lariel is all for destroying Sezrekan and regaining the Sacred USB Cable, but not so pleased to note that rather than rebooting G.O.D., her plan is to hold the cable for 'safekeeping' until G.O.D.'s "plan" is fulfilled.

-Accidentally caused yet another wave of social unrest as Nigel and Nigel started spreading the "good word" of G.O.D.'s love, by beating the living crap out of every hippie they can find.

-Failed to impress Chief City Officer Swanlee, who made his feelings clear: "This city is already full of drugs, the last thing it needs is religion!"

-After seeing the Nigels force a group of old women to do a "Na na na na" chant and do the wave for the glorification of G.O.D., on threat of vicious beating, Ack'basha starts to see the downside of the Religious Fantastics. Not so much, however, that he won't use them against Sezrekan.

-Leave Highbay by ship, planning to go to the homeland of the Religious Fantastics, leaving one of the Nigels, the mobsters, the even-Higher Council, Bolt-0 and City Chief Swanlee behind.  God knows what it'll look like when they get back. But at least they've kept their spotless record of leaving every single place they visit looking much shittier than when they arrived.

-Soon realize that the legless insane ship captain doesn't actually know what he's doing.

(yup, it's this guy)

-Promptly enter the urine-drinking stage of the voyage.

-Realize that the Sea Captain was in fact specifically hired by Chief City Officer Swanlee with the intention of getting rid of them.

-Rehire the Captain (with a bag of gold, a bottle of urine, and some of Lord Dread's porn) to actually get them to them to the town of Mancatcher, headquarters of the Religious Fantastics.

-Realize, after another week at sea, that the Captain doesn't actually know how to get to Mancatcher, or anywhere else.  His usual course is to sail around the Island of The Turtle-Men until everyone get's dizzy and then head back home; but they've gone so far out now that he can't find that either.

-Finally hit land, with the Captain thinking they've made it back to Highbay, but in fact they've ended up in the Southern Ape-man Kingdoms, an entire continent away from either where they came from or where they were trying to go.

-Run into some Ape-men, but recall what their friend Dr.Theobald had said about the Ape-men being slavers; when one of them says "get the damn dirty humans!" they realize they'd best use some magic to get the ship out of there fast.

-Try to follow the coastline to the Blue Elven Island-Kingdom of Dwaraka, and after landing on the neighbouring island by mistake, astoundingly do manage to get there!

-Are not well-received by the ultra-high-tech Blue Elves, who promptly capture them; but at least the PCs manage to get the Elves to take them 'anywhere from here', figuring that at this point they're better off being stranded in the southern continent with no conceivable way home than continuing to try their luck with the legless Sea Captain.

-End up being dumped by the Blue Elves in the nearest humanlike-occupied city, which turns out to be the City of Beggars.

-Promptly get ambushed by a hundred or so Beggar-mutants, prompting the PCs' new combat-slogan: "What would Sandy do?"

-End up lucking out in that what Sandy would do, namely charging into battle against a force that outnumbers them 30-1, managing to scare the crap out of the mutants and cause them to retreat.

-Make the choice to leave the City of Beggars, heading south even though it's the opposite direction from Highbay, mainly because they're sick of the Urine-Drinking Stage.

Stay tuned for more adventures on the southern continent!


Currently Smoking: Lorenzetti Half-volcano + Gawith's Balkan Flake

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