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Saturday 4 July 2015

The RPGPundit's Random Fantasy Drinks Table

This should technically be a sort of classic rant, since it was something I had posted to my blog, about 10 years ago in fact.  But that archive seems to have been lost to history, so instead I'm posting it anew.

Here is my once-famous table of random alcoholic beverages with silly names:

New Alcoholic Beverages
In addition to Ale and Wine, the average tavern or store is likely to have some particular “strong beverage” of house or local make; these specially crafted liquors have unusual names and often pack a very particular punch. Their cost will vary from 4sp-20gp per bottle depending on the strength and fame of the beverage.

Random Drink Names Table

(roll a D6; on a 1-2 roll on table A, 3-4 on Table B, 5-6 on Table C; you can roll again for each name element, or roll all the name elements from the same table)

Table A
Element 1                 Element 2            Element 3            Element 4
1. Captain/admiral -       Bernard  -        Golden   -                Ale
2. Doctor   -                 Clara  -               Prancing  -          Piss-up
3. Bishop/archdeacon  -  Partridge  -       Menacing -        Concoction
4. Count/duke   -           Bellows    -        Total        -          Recipe
5. Prince    -                  Abelard    -        Shocking    -       Cocktail
6. Seargent     -            Chunder       -      Bellicose       -     Formula

Table B
Element 1        Element 2        Element 3          Element 4
1. Friar/father   -  Anselm     -     blue/green*    -    Mixture
2. Uncle    -       Pete/Jeb   -       Questionable    -  Spirit
3. Master   -      Roland    -       Outrageous    -      Cleanser
4. Lord   -        Melchard    -     Excellent    -        Paint-thinner
5. Madame  -     McPlop    -     Saucy    -            Industrial Blender
6. Crazy/mad    - Kasimir    -    Bowelbashing    -   Orgy
*substitute any other colour of your choice

Table C
 Element 1            Element 2       Element 3        Element 4
1. Professor   -       Edmund    -     Brutish    -          Liquid
2. Rabbi    -            Loretta    -      Bitter   -             Boozerama
3. Aunt    -             Percy    -         Erotic    -            Broth
4. Wee/Big    -        Doncaster    -  Elderberry*   -    Selection
5. Ugly   -              Wu    -             (un)reliable    -     Incendiary
6. Three-fingered  -  Gerald   -        Delightful    -       Skullsmasher
*or substitute any other flavour/ingredient (orange/liver/milk/gunpowder/honey/etc)

So with this table you can generate amusingly named alcoholic drinks such as “Father Abelard’s Total Pissup”, “Three-fingered Anselm’s Golden Recipe”, “Rabbi Roland’s Menacing Liquid”, or “Master Edmund’s Outrageous Selection”. 

Obviously, saving throws against getting totally hammered are typically called for.

This table, and many other tables of truly impressive variety and wildly disparate levels of seriousness, can be found in the "Forward... to Adventure! Gamemasters Notebook!" (or "FtA!GN!"), which was one of my earliest RPG products.  A lot of the material there could be usable in any number of old-school or fantasy RPGs.


Currently Drinking:  Madame Partridge's Questionable Incendiary


  1. test: Uncle Roland's Elderberry Ale.

  2. I don't think I could keep the players away from something called "Aunt Edmund's Erotic Skullsmasher."

    1. What about Three-Fingered Loretta's Questionable Concoction?